Criminal Minds: Danika

Cut Out Heart

Danika's POV:
My heart stops as I watch Frank and Jane jump in front of the train. They're gone in a blink of an eye and everything around me stands still.

I can't even hear the train rushing past or the screams of onlookers. I don't hear Hotch calling for me or feel Derek pulling me away from the edge.

Everything inside me feels numb and I can't stop it. I just stare blankly at the back of the train, feeling broken, even lost. Frank was a bad man, but somehow, I feel sad that he's gone.

————

"He's gone. He's really gone." I finally admit out loud as Gideon enters my apartment.

I didn't bother opening the door for him, he let himself in after knocking multiple times. I'm just sitting on the couch where I've been for the past few hours. I wasn't watching the TV or doing anything. Just sitting there, staring blankly at the wall. Playing the scene in my head over and over.

"Yeah, he is." Gideon says as he takes a chair and sits in front of me.

"How do you feel?" He asks and I finally look at his face.

"I don't." I answer with a blank expression and he gulps.

"Danika, listen to me. There's nothing you could've done. Nothing any of us could've done." Gideon tries to assure me as he takes my hands in his.

"I remember everything." I state and he looks at me surprised.

"What do mean?" He asks confused as to what I'm talking about.

"I lied before. I wasn't unconscious in the trailer. I was awake. I saw him kill all three of those people. I was completely awake and conscious for it all." I confess and he just sits there in silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gideon finally asks and I shrug.

"What's there to talk about? It happened. They're dead. I'm not." I mutter and he sighs.

"Their death's weren't your fault." He says, but I don't say anything.

For some reason, I'm not necessarily sad about their deaths. I'm sad that I didn't get to fully enjoy them or feel them. I felt almost left out.

"Danika, you couldn't have done anything for them. You know that right?" He asks.

"He visited me after he escaped." I state about Frank, ignoring his talk.

"When?" He asks.

"A few different times. First right after we got back. And the next time was after I was abducted by Hankel." I explain remembering back to that time.

"Did he say why?" He asks.

"Said he wanted to make sure I was okay." I say blankly and Gideon takes a moment to take it all in.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Gideon asks.

"Because the first time I thought I was hallucinating. And the second time I was too tired for all the questions." I reply and he nods his head, understanding.

"The third time...I should've shot him. Then he wouldn't have hurt your friend." I huff and Gideon tilts his head.

"Look at me, that wasn't your fault. Frank had a way of getting into people's heads. It's what he was good at." Gideon tries to tell me.

"He made me feel...safe. I can't explain it..." I say and Gideon sighs.

"Look at me. It's not your fault." He repeats and brings me into a hug.