take my hoodie ✓

fifty-nine | dudley

tw: blades and blood and stuff 

i miss my stolen sainsburys razor blades

~no pov

Harry was pacing around his room. He was trying to keep himself awake, because he had gone too far. It wasn't that he'd gone too deep, but that he'd done it too much, and the blade was so sharp. 

His arm was spewing crimson rivers, dripping over his floor and his shoes. He wanted to leave his room, but Vernon had locked him in there. He would go out through the window, but his arm was on fucking fire.

would dudley let me out??

He called out for his cousin, praying he would be empathetic for once in his life. To Harry's dismay, his cousin was not responding. He was stuck, bleeding out and in pain.

And he was supposed to go see Draco. Fuck, he was supposed to go see Draco. What if he relapsed and binged, or something even worse?

"Fuck, where's my phone." He muttered to himself. He desperately searched for his phone with a singular hand, but it wasn't anywhere. "Shit, don't tell me I left it downstairs."

Angrily, Harry began to kick things around in his room, just like his boyfriend was. He was frustrated by his own stupidity. How could he forget his fucking phone? That thing was what kept him sane.

Giving up, he wrapped a top around his arm and climbed out of his window, keys in his hand. Quietly, he opened the front door and bit his tongue when he realised the Dursleys were all in the kitchen. How was he supposed to get his phone now?

His arm was leaking through the black top he'd wrapped around his arm, and he felt dizzy, so dizzy. He knew that if he didn't do something, he'd black out on the floor in front of the stairs. That wouldn't be so pleasant, he decided.

"Fuck."

Harry groaned and walked into the kitchen, bumping into the counter twice. "Hi guys." 

All three of them turned around, Vernon glaring at Harry. "How did you get out of your room?"

"I went too far. I need my old medical stuff. Where is it?"

Petunia rolled her eyes and went back to eating. Harry felt like crying when he realised how little she cared for him. "No one cares, boy. Go wash the dishes or something."

"Wash the- hello, I'm literally going to black out if you don't hurry up."

Harry held out for a while, but he felt positively dead at the moment. He was holding the top around his left arm tightly, and the blood was leaking through onto his right hand. The top was only just keeping him conscious.

"Cupboard. Top shelf." Dudley pointed. 

"Thank you."

Vernon rolled his eyes too and continued eating. 

Harry noticed his phone in the cupboard and shoved it into his back pocket and then proceeded to reach for the medical kit. The top had fallen from his arm and scarlet leaked onto the counter, and the shirt he was wearing. 

"Jesus, Harry, what the fuck?" Dudley exclaimed after seeing what Harry had done to himself. "Mum, dad, I thought you guys took his stuff away?"

"I gave it back." Vernon replied lazily.

"You did what?"

"He had some nasty tattoos on his arm, so I told him to cut them off."

Dudley was in shock, and rushed over to go help his lightheaded cousin. Noticing the tattoos, he realised what a few of them meant. There were three on his left arm. One being the NEDA tattoo, one being a snake around a scar and the last being butterflies also around a scar. He recognised that scar as the one that Harry made whilst trying to end his life.

The snake scar was unfamiliar. He assumed Harry made it himself, when really it was done by some disgusting man Vernon worked with.

He remembered the gravity of the situation and shoved Harry's arm under a cold tap, letting the high-pressure of the water get rid of most of the blood. Immediately after, he placed the top back on Harry's arm and began to uncover plasters.

"Why are you helping me?"

"You're my cousin. It's about time I did."

Placing eight plasters over every cut, Dudley realised that it wasn't enough. He unrolled bandages and wrapped them around his arm tightly, restricting the blood from escaping. He smiled, knowing he'd just saved his cousin's life.

"Thank you." Harry smiled before promptly passing out.

When Harry woke up, he was back in his room, his arm sore as shit. He couldn't find the energy to move a muscle, but at least he was alive. With the people in his life, he didn't want to end it anymore. That's why he made a big deal out of sorting out his arm.

"Morning."

He jumped when he saw Dudley sitting at his desk.

"When did you get the tattoos?"

"Summer."

"How many?"

"Eight."

Dudley choked on air. "Jesus, Harry. Eight?"

"Yeah."

"What tattoos?"

Harry rolled up his right sleeve. "I'm guessing you noticed all the ones on my left arm already. This is my semi-colon, for suicide of course, and this rose is for my actual wrist slit scar. I figured it looked pretty- no real meaning to it. 

Then, on my left arm, which you've seen, there's butterflies around my suicide slit, a snake around the Louis cut and a NEDA for my anorexia. I've also got a massive child abuse symbol on my back and a medusa on my collarbone."

He didn't care who knew about Louis anymore, not after Draco found out. He also decided to leave out the matching rainbow tattoo because that was a dead giveaway on his sexuality, which he wasn't okay with Dudley knowing.

"Jesus, Harry." Was all the boy could say. "Medusa? That means-"

"I know what it means."

Dudley felt a bit sick. "What happened?"

"This guy, Louis, who made the Louis cut cornered my drunk ass in a pub and touched me up, cut me and made me suck him off." 

"Is that when- when you came home all messed up?"

Harry nodded. 

"Fuck, Harry, I'm so sorry." He whispered. "Fuck, I've been so awful to you forever. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. Does anyone else know?"

"Just Draco."

"When did he find out?"

"Two days ago."

Dudley took a deep breath. "Didn't it happen like... two years ago?"

"Yeah."

"Two years, you kept that a secret? Fuck, Harry, I'm so sorry. You're so brave, a-and strong, and.. You didn't deserve that." He felt livid. "And that's why you tried to kill yourself?"

Harry nodded.

"Jesus. Wait, so that's why you threw up in the kitchen last year? And called dad Louis. Oh my god." It was all making sense for Dudley now. He put together every piece. 

"Congrats. You figured it out."

"Where are your blades, Harry?"

Harry chewed on his lip. He didn't expect his cousin to say that of all things. "Dunno."

"Harry."

"Dudley."

"I'm being serious, man, where are they? You can't keep hurting yourself. Just because mum and dad don't care, doesn't mean I don't."

"I miss when you were an asshole." Harry rolled his eyes. 

Dudley stood up and walked away. "Draco left a few missed calls." He said, before closing the door and leaving his cousin feeling bitter, and anxious.

fuck, draco.