take my hoodie ✓

forty-seven | field

~no pov

Harry came back to the field the next night, despite thinking Draco was mad at him. He stayed the entire night, and even fell asleep there by accident, waiting.

And he never came.

It wasn't Draco's fault, he was stuck in hospital. But he'd not replied to a single one of Harry's messages, and that scared the brunet.

does he hate me?

He craved silver more than anything in the world at that moment, especially after the conversation he had with the Dursleys. He wondered if he should actually hang himself.

eighth time's the charm, right?

The Dursleys refused to return his confiscated items, and it was stressing Harry out. He had no other form of coping. Vaping, smoking and drinking was off-limits, because Dudley took his entire stash.

They basically stole every coping mechanism he had.

It felt wrong to use the fake ID he got with Draco, to buy shit he would usually take with Draco, with the money leftover that he got from Draco. He was unhealthily attached to the youngest Malfoy, and it was painful.

He wanted the blond back.

Harry only recently discovered his feelings for Draco too, so it felt like he'd had that stolen from him too. 

why does this hurt so much?

Lying alone in a field that you associate with a person does not do well for an overthinker. He was coming up with the worst-case scenarios, and then even worse versions of them.

Harry was losing his mind without Draco, and it'd only been less than a year of them being friends. He felt robbed of the chance for that friendship to become something more.

"Stop it, Harry. Stop overthinking. We'll be okay. We're fine."

..

"I'm talking to myself. We aren't fine. Fuck, who's we? It's just me."

..

"Draco come back, I miss you. I'm losing it without you. Or maybe I lost it a long time ago, but you made me feel sane. You know who would be great right now? Luna. She's always good at grounding me, and making me feel just as sane as she is. 

Draco, I fucking love Luna, you know? She's so sweet, kind and caring. And she's not boring and plain. She has a personality, something that makes her so much better than all the basic white girls in this school.

Draco, come back, please? What happened to I'll never let go, Jack? 

Fuck.

Did you become Jack?

Are you dead?

Jesus Christ, Draco are you dead?"

Harry began to laugh hysterically. He had lost it for sure.

"You can't reply to me. Not because you might be dead, but because you're not here. God, I've gone mental. I've lost the plot. I'm mad. I'm not as sane as Luna, I'm insane. I miss you. Ground me, stabilise me, bring me back my sanity.

I depend on you an unhealthy amount, Draco. I think that's love?"

"I would never hurt you, you know?"

"Where's this coming from?"

"You said something in your sleep. Something like, 'please don't hurt me, i didn't mean it, i swear'. I know we fight sometimes, but I'd never hurt you."