take my hoodie ✓

thirty | relapsed

guys i got my own vape for the first time in like months 

and i discovered i can drink straight vodka and not make a face

im also lowkey a lightweight

also im so mad its may i fucking hate may how are we already in may

~no pov

In the past two days, Harry and Draco had both relapsed. They were both self-loathing, and destructive. The worst possible feelings had plagued them both, but on Boxing Day, they met up.

Harry was fidgeting, shaky and guilt-ridden. Draco was jittery, distracted and guilt-ridden. And both of them were liars.

"How've you been?" Draco asked Harry. It was late in the night. Dobby had put the boy on house arrest after the sight he saw the same morning. He was only able to sneak out at night.

Harry was sore, both from excessively exercising and from being hit more than usual. It was tradition for that to happen on Christmas.

"I'm okay."

liar.

"Harry, I-"

"Need to tell you something."

"So do I.." The blond raised a brow. "You go first."

"Erm, basically.." Harry didn't want to lie. He wanted their recovery relationship to be honest, open. But he was afraid of it ending because of how disgusted Draco would be. "I relapsed."

"I did too."

"Oh."

That wasn't how Harry expected that to go. He expected Dramatic Draco to go storming off, angry and ashamed of him.

"What happened?" The blond asked.

"I.. It was on Christmas Eve." Harry began. "I- well, you see, it was the anniversary of something really bad for me, a-and I," he didn't know how to explain it. He was already a freak in Draco's eyes, right? So why should he make Draco think he was even freakier.

"I'm not going to judge you, Potter." Draco smiled, sorta. "I'm proud of you regardless. We'll get there. We both know recovery isn't easy, and relapsing is part of it. I'd be surprised if you hadn't relapsed."

He didn't think that way of himself. He didn't care about himself the way he did Harry. He was horrible and unfair to himself.

Why couldn't he treat himself the way he did Harry?

"I had some sort of panic attack flashback moment, I don't know, and threw up unintentionally. But then, well, erm, so, I-" He sighed and tried to speak clearly. "Something else happened. A-And I had too much going on. And the only way to get rid of it was to throw up. A-And I did. And my cousin, he came in and-"

He realised how Dudley was nice. To him. To Harry Potter, the boy who he always made fun of and made him feel like shit.

"He picked me up and poured mouthwash in my mouth. And made me gurgle and spit it out. And then he took me to my bed and put my duvet over me.." He realised that Dudley took care of him, something he'd never had done for him. By anyone.

Before he knew it, he was smiling. And then crying. He didn't recognise it as being taken care of when it happened, because it was unfamiliar and he was dazed. Harry was grinning whilst tears fell down his face because someone took care of him.

"Are- are you okay?" Draco was incredibly confused.

Harry couldn't take the smile off his face as he nodded.