Chapter 38: Streber

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(This one is really short, I'm sorry lol)
Getting help and starting over.
Sounded like exactly what I needed.
But I didn't really want help.
I don't want to feel better.
That must sound dumb.
"Y-yeah...we can do that..." I tried to smile. Would getting better mean getting rid of pot? Probably. But screw the entire world. Screw pot. I loved Kevin. And I'd do anything for him. Even if it meant trying to give up pot.
"What came before won't count anymore." I held his hand with both of my hands.
He smiled at the Dear Evan Hansen reference.
"I'm probably going to have to spend a couple weeks in a mental hospital." He explained. "So there's my help.." He smiled. "My parents might be able to find a rehab center or a therapist for you."
Kevin's good. He knew exactly what I had to do. Maybe those psychology classes he's been taking have been worth it, after all. "That sounds great, love..." I smiled at him.
I wanted to cry. It was difficult seeing my boyfriend like this. Bruised and cut up. This was all my fault. I didn't understand why he didn't want to just break up with me right then and there.
But I tried to keep my composure. I'm sure the last thing he wanted was me sobbing at the side of his bed. That would probably make him feel guilty. And that's the last thing I wanted him to feel.
I held his hand tighter, hoping I wasn't hurting him. "I love you so much, Kevin..."

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