Isla Del Fuego (Alejandrino Trilogy 2)

19

It's a good thing Kasper and Delancy admitted their relationship. Kahit papa'no ay hindi ako ang kinukulit nilang makipag-relasyon. Today is PJ, my nephew's christening. Narito na kami ngayon sa venue at gine-greet ng mag-asawa ang mga bisita nila. Patuloy pa ring inaasar ni Jackson si Kasper at Delancy.

Tumabi sa akin si Rogue. Ngiting-ngiti siya habang tinitingnan ang asawa at anak niyang nakikipag-usap sa mga magulang ni Rielle. Nakakatuwa, parang kailan lang ay hindi magkasundo ang dalawa.

"You look happy," sabi ko sa kaniya.

"Sino namang hindi magiging masaya? Look at Rielle, she's so beautiful and she's a great woman. Damn, I still can't believe she's my wife." He shook his head then laughed.

"How did you know she's the one?"

He looked at me as if I said something weird. "I seriously don't know. Basta noong eighteenth birthday niya, I felt something weird. It could be attraction, but it somehow turned into something more than that. I did crazy things for that woman. Noong nagkasama kami, it stirred emotions in me. I just woke up and realized, I found my home. Si Rielle 'yon."

"That's it? Wala nang pangamba? Hindi ka natakot sa nga mangyayari? Paano kung magkaroon ng dahilan para mawala siya"

"Love is a very simple thing. Ginagawa lang nating komplikado. If you love someone, iparamdam mo. Kung hindi mo sila kayang mawala, then don't let them. If there's a reason to let go, there will always be a reason to stay."

"Wow," manghang sabi ko. "You all make love seem so easy."

"How about you? May plano ka pa bang mag-asawa? Kasper is finally settling down, and I heard that Jackson is also into someone."

"Good for them. Ako, hindi ko alam. Nakakatakot ang magmahal."

"Haven't you learn nothing? I almost lost Rielle because I was afraid. Life is all about risks. You can't stay in the safe zone forever." Marahas akong humugot ng hininga. May balak na sana akong umalis, pero kaagad niya akong pinigilan. "Why are you asking these questions? May hindi ba ako nalalaman?"

"Wala. I just find love amusing, that's all."

Tumango-tango siya at sakto namang dumating si Rielle kasama si PJ. "Baby, pahawak kay PJ. Nangangalay na ako," she stated.

"Ako na," pagpiprisinta ko. Kinuha ko sa kaniya sa PJ. Mabuti na lang at mabait ang batang ito. Si Rouge naman ay tumayo sa likod ni Rielle at minasahe ang balikat ng asawa.

"How are you, Kass? Rogue said six months ang itatagal mo roon," Rielle chimed.

"Nakapagpahinga naman na ako nang maayos. Okay na ako."

"So, you're going back to work?"

Tumango ako. "Maybe next Monday."

"That's good, but are you sure you're okay? Baka naman pinipilit mo lang bumalik sa trabaho?" Rogue butted in.

"I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

Ilang beses pa nila akong pinilit at kinulit-kulit kung talaga bang ayos na ako hanggang sa nagsawa sila. Iniwan ko muna sila roon at isinama ko si PJ. Inaasar pa ako ni Kasper tungkol sa isla nang magbiro akong gusto kong bumalik doon. Well, it was all a lie. Hindi na ako babalik pa roon kahit kailan.

"You look cute, anak. Bagay pala sa 'yo ang may baby," Mom said, pertaining to me and PJ.

"You know, your twin brother and Delancy are planning to have a baby. How about you, anak?" dagdag ni Dad.

"Mom, Dad, alam ninyong wala pa akong balak. Sinabi ko na iyon kahapon sa inyo. Okay naman na ako, hindi ko kailangan ng anak."

"Kahit mag-asawa ka lang, anak."

"Sasaktan lang ako ng mga lalaking 'yan."

Nag-iba naman ang ekspresyon ng mga mukha nila. Alam nila kung ano ang tinutukoy ko. Mas maigi nang iyon ang alam nilang dahilan kung bakit takot akong magmahal. Tama naman kasi ako. Walang ibang dulot ang pagmamahal na 'yan kung hindi sama ng loob at masasamang ala-ala.

Nagdesisyon akong umalis na lang dahil nagiging emosyonal na naman ako. Ewan ko ba, sa loob ng ilang taon ay nakaya kong kontrolin ang emosyon ko at napaniwala ko silang maayos ako, pero tuwing si Hugo ang iniisip ko... My walls always crumble and I become vulnerable.

Nasa kotse pa lang ako at magsisimula na namang sumakit ang dibdib ko. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam lalo na't iniisip ko na ngayon ay nagsasaya si Hugo kasama si Devon sa isla. Ginagawa rin ba ni Hugo sa kaniya ang mga ginawa niya sa akin dati? Inaalagaan ba niya si Devon? Pinagluluto ng pagkain? O baka naman nagsasalo na sila sa init ng katawan ng isa't isa? Just the thought of that... Hugo touching Devon, making love to her the way he did to me. Patuloy ko lang sinasaktan ang sarili ko.

"If I hurt myself more, maybe I'll be numb. Mas madali ko siyang makakalimutan kung puro masasakit ang ala-ala ko sa kaniya," I told myself.

But with every painful thought, laging pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga sinasabi niya sa akin, kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Kung paano niya ako bigyan ng kasiguraduhan, kung paano siya ngumiti tuwing kausap ako. Pero mas nangingibabaw ang kasiyahan ko noong panahong iyon. Iyon ang bumabalik sa isip ko, dahil alam kong noong mga panahong iyon ay naging totoo ako sa sarili ko. I never faked my smiles when I was with him.

Just then, my phone rang. It's Hugo who's calling. "Yes?" I greeted, trying to control my shaking voice.

Instead of answering me, all I heard was heavy breathing, until it turned into sobs. May narinig akong umagaw ng cellphone. "Hi, Kassandra," it was Devon who answered.

"Why are you calling?"

"Hugo told me about what happened. I'm sorry, I didn't know you two had a thing."

"You didn't know? Wasn't it obvious or are you really that stupid?!" Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong singhalan siya. "I love Hugo, but I let him stay with you because I know you're special to him. Somehow, I trusted you, Devon."

"I'm sorry. I was too blind to see." I heard her whimper. "Maybe it's because I still love him. I thought we could still fix things, but I guess I was wrong."

"Please, give him the happiness he deserves."

"No!" sigaw niya sa kabilang linya. "Hugo's very miserable. I never seen him act this way before. And as much as I want to stay beside him and make him happy, I know I can't."

"Why not? You literally kissed!"

"I kissed him! He pushed me away and told me about you two. Can't you see? I can't make him happy because I'm not you!"

Just then, I heard a noise from the other line. "Kass," it was Hugo's voice. Namamaos na siya at parang hinang-hina. "You know, I love you. Come back, please."

His voice made my system haywire. "And you know I can't, and even if I could, I never want to go back there."

"Baby, I'm going insane without you. If you're not coming back here, then I'll come to you. I'll fix myself first, okay? See you in a few days."