Making You Mine

sixteen - dysfunctional relationships

She didn't know how much time —hours, minutes or seconds —had passed since she sat on the cold marbled tiles of the shower, her legs pulled up to her chest as the scalding hot water continued cascading down over her broken self esteem.

Akshara stared into the oblivion as she felt her tears beginning to dry. Worn out. Exhausted. She was so tired she didn't even have any strength left in her to sob her heart out for the fucked up situation she currently found herself in.

The shower door opened and a fully dressed Abhimanyu wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt peeked in, glancing down at a numb and naked Akshara. Trying to keep his cool, Abhimanyu got the length of his arm wet as he leaned in to turn off the shower.

He turned towards Akshara again, who sat still as a statute, unmoving. Feeling the blood cursing through his veins, he tried to keep himself calm as he grabbed a towel off the rack and bent down, facing Akshara.

Abhimanyu wrapped Akshara's head with the towel, slowly wiping off the access water; treating her as if she were a fragile child. His eyes roamed over every inch of her body as he continued to towel dry her body.  He noticed all the frown lines, the blood red eyes that had shed numerous tears, the swollen lips.

And he especially noticed the marks on her neck. Marks left by him. His eyes grazed over the redness on her neck, the deep rooted imprint his long fingers had made as he'd wrapped them around her petite neck. The monster in him, wanted to howl in pride. The man in him —a small part of him was disgusted. Disgusted by his behaviour.

Unable to hold himself back, he ran his index finger along the very marks he'd left on her neck, outlining each indent, each curve as his eyes focused on Akshara's hollow, unresponsive ones.

And for the first time in his life, he said the one word he didn't think he was capable of uttering: "Sorry."

He wanted intently as his apology finally registered in Akshara's head. He saw the wheels in her head turning as she emerged from her stoic posture. And that's when it happened. She blinked.

Without saying another word, Abhimanyu swept Akshara off the floor of the shower and settler her her on an equally cold marble counter top of the vanity. Knowing well enough that Akshara was not going to move from her designated spot other vanity, Abhimanyu went back into the room to grab Akshara a pair of sleepwear.

When he walked back into the bathroom, he noticed Akshara was still staring off into the abyss, making the humane —or whatever it was called —part of him want to lower his head in shame whilst the control freak in him —the monster in him —felt irrational anger at Akshara's docile behaviour.

You haven't even been that harsh on her, the devil in him spoke up.

You fucking broke her, a small voice in the back of his head reprimanded him.

Choosing to ignore the battle of his head versus his heart, Abhimanyu walked up to Akshara, carefully slipping her one foot the other through a pair of panties which he dragged up her legs, covering her from his naked eye.

Abhimanyu then moved on to helping Akshara into wearing her baby pink cotton slip on babydoll dress, head first, then the arms. He purposefully dragged his thumbs across her taut pebbled nipples as he lowered the dress over her bare body, wanting to gauge her reaction, but also because he was powerless to stop himself from touching her.

Akshara felt a jolt of electricity rush through her veins upon Abhimanyu's rough touch. She interlocked her eyes with his just as he finished adjusting her night dress, his eyes fixated on hers.

"I don't know why I let you do this to me." Akshara broke her silence.

"Let me? Let me? Let me?" Abhimanyu's voice started off with a soft whisper then turned into a loud raging thunder with every repetition.

Pity.

She was starting to pity him. Irrational anger started to cloud Abhimanyu's judgment as his brain started working in overdrive. How long had she known about those scars on his back?

And that's when he lost it.

Abhimanyu wrapped his hand around the nape of Akshara's neck forcing her chin up, as his thumb grazed over her swollen, red, abused lips. Abhimanyu and Akshara stared deep into each others eyes, intensely as both their resolves stayed strong.

Akshara had dared to do the unexpected.

With her soft voice, the petite little girl had shaken the big bad wolf to the very core. By telling him that all that he did to her — was because she allowed him to do so. She gave him permission to treat her body the way he did. That she consented to him.

"You don't let me do anything, Akshara." Abhimanyu grit out, emphasizing each word as he grazed her lips with his thumb.

"I should stop you. Tell you no. But I can't seem to." She continued on, ignoring Abhimanyu. Hoping that her words managed to strike a cord with the Abhimanyu —the real Abhimanyu she was trying to form a connection with. The Abhimanyu who had apologized, said sorry just a few moments ago.

"Did you not hear what I just said?" He growled.

"Did you not hear what I said?" She retorted, catching Abhimanyu off guard. But as he stared at Akshara, he found her staring back —not at him but through him. Staring at the inner most part of him which he had sworn to keep hidden.

"You don't let me do anything, Akshara. I do it because I want to. Not because you allowed me to." He grit out, collecting his thoughts as his voice danced along the lines of uncertainty.

Akshara noticed the slight hesitation in Abhimanyu's voice, the tinge of uncertainty pertaining to the truth of his own words. Power. She felt like Abhimanyu was finally relinquishing his power. Slowly. Little by little. The tides were turning.

And so she went in for the master stroke.

"But don't worry, Abhimanyu. I don't know happened to you like this. The scars on your back tell a sad, very dark and painful story. I don't know who abandoned you or why. I don't know who hurt you. And it's okay if you don't want to tell me either. I can live with that."

Akshara pushed Abhimanyu away from her creating a barrier of space. She jumped off the marble vanity and stood in front of Abhimanyu, staring intently at him.

"If you've been obsessed with me, I've become obsessed with you too. You, your touch, your presence are a drug and I've become addicted. You have turned me into an addict. You want to hurt me, pin me down, use and bruise me —if it makes you feel better, do it. If that's what you need, do it. I won't complain. Because somewhere deep down I know you are hurting. And if treating me the way you do —it lessens your pain, do it. My body, mind and soul are yours, Abhimanyu." Akshara's voice broke as she completed confessing her feelings to Abhimanyu.

When Abhimanyu did not respond, Akshara took that as a sign that her words resonated with the most inner part of Abhimanyu she was trying to connect with. Taking Abhimanyu's silence as a form of small victory, Akshara walked out of the bathroom leaving Abhimanyu to wallow in the silence of his own thoughts.

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One of my favourite chapters that I've written honestly. All of Akshara's cards are on the table. But are Abhimanyu's?