Loki x Yn imagines/ oneshots

The 23rd

Your alarm goes off and you turn it off quickly trying not the wake Loki. The 23rd. Her birthday. Your mother was abusive and you were never close with her, so your grandmother was like your real mother but she had recently passed away. Today was her birthday and she died on the 26th. Your grandpa, her husband was also practically your father. You saw both your grandparents everyday and they made up for your lack of parents. He died on your birthday and his birthday was the 25th. Christmas would never be the same now, your birthday wasn't the same either. Your grandmother died the year before and your grandfather this year. You take some deep breaths knowing you have got things to do today and you walk over to the bathroom and have a quick shower while Loki is still asleep. It's all you can think about to be honest, it's just there in the back of your mind, you have to life the rest of your life never seeing them again. It hurts so much more now knowing you can't just hug them one last time. You have never felt so alone, I mean you have Loki and the avengers but you don't have your grandparents. You go downstairs and stand in front of the fridge, you don't feel like eating, you can't eat. You walk back upstairs and put on some makeup and brush your hair, trying to feel a bit more normal, it doesn't change anything, trying to focus on other stuff, it does nothing. You still know they are gone, you are sad and you want to cry but you just can't your medication doesn't really let you and you don't want to let yourself. You brush your teeth looking in the mirror and you see someone completely different. You remember their last moments, you remember the funerals, your speech, the days after, you remember it all, it all hurts so much. You miss them more than anything, you want to be with them, but you can't. You decide to walk around the garden for a bit, your currently staying in a house Loki bought on Midgard as Tony was making some adjustments to the tower. You walk around for a bit taking in deep breaths of fresh air trying to take your mind away from it, focus on anything else. You sit down on the steps defeated knowing today was just gonna be one of those days, there's not really anything you can do.
Loki wakes up and noticed you are not in bed. 'Yn?' He calls out checking his phone, realising the date, he checks the bathroom kitchen and study before he sees you on the step. 'Oh baby.' He says and he walks out and sits down next to you placing his hand on top of yours.

'Hi.' You whisper resting your head on Lokis shoulder.

'23rd.' He replies.

'23rd.' You repeat.

'I'm sorry darling.' Loki says.

'Christmas just isn't Christmas anymore is it?' You ask.

'I guess not, your going to be ok.' Loki answers.

'I know she would be looking down at us and saying you stupid bitch get up and get excited, free presents don't worry about me.' You chuckle. 'I just want her to come home, I need her more than anything and now she's gone and I have to remember her for longer than I have known her.' You respond.

'I know, sometimes we are lucky enough to have these special people in our lives for a bit and then they have to go and even though it's sad, the part that they were here for was good right, so I guess that makes it all worth it.' Loki comments.

'I guess but it still hurts.' You mutter.

'I know and it probably always will but grief is just giving them all that extra love, you know?' Loki softly says.

'Thank you Loki, that, it makes sense, I just still miss them and it won't be the same without them.' You mumble.

'Yea.
You ready to go inside now?' Loki extends.

'Yea.' You reply Loki stands up and offers you his hand and you take it. He walks inside with you and you sit down on the couch and lie down on his chest.

'It's ok to be sad darling.' He whispers as he can't tell you want to cry, and you let your tears escape.

'I just want them back, I just want, you know not to have to feel this, I just want it to be back to normal.' You say softly.

'It may never be normal, life never really is, it will take some time, but you don't need to get over it, or forget to feel better. You need to remember, you need to feel your grief. That doesn't mean your never going to be happy again, it doesn't mean your never going to have the life you want and you shouldn't feel guilty for being happy again, none of this means you shouldn't be happy without them. It just means you carry that love for them with you, always. You don't have to feel bad for talking about it or being sad. It's a part of you, even if for some people, maybe their grandparents death didn't mean as much to them, it meant a lot to you didn't it? Even if your drowning in 10 meters of water or just 1 your still drowning, right?' Loki explains.

'Ye, I mean I don't want to ignore the grief but right now I kinda just wanna watch some tv you know?' You reply.

'That's ok you don't have to feel guilty, it's a good thing to be able to distract yourself but to also recognise your upset and it hurts and you love them and it is different without them and it is hard. They aren't here anymore and that hurts and it's ok to go on with your life, because you still remember them, you aren't forgetting them, they are with you. Your just ready to try and continue your life.'

'Thank you Loki.' You whisper snuggling closer into his chest as he put in your favourite show.

'You don't need to thank me darling.' Loki replies.

'Still.' You answer.