I want to be loved by you - Ziam

Feelings

I'm soooo sorry this has taken sooo long to update, i have excuses, but you probably dont care. well here is an extra long chapter for all of you to make up for the long wait. sorry if it's not very good its quite a lot of description but i felt it needed it... oh, and sorry if it has any mistakes, i didn't get to proof read it as i wanted it posted tonight!

Anyway, happy reading :D

Zayn POV

I think I’m losing my mind; I haven’t so much as spoken to Liam in about three days. And although that doesn’t sound like long, it’s driving me crazy! I didn’t think I’d miss him this much. I mean, we still saw each other at rehearsals yesterday but I couldn’t bear to speak to him. The others clearly noticed that something was wrong. Well, why wouldn’t they? Whether it was just as best friends or more, we’ve always acted really close and to suddenly be ignoring each other would certainly bring us some attention.

I’ve been asked by every one of the boys (besides Liam, obviously) what was going on between us. They had figured out that we had some sort of row, but none of them, not even Niall, knew the full story – and I intended to keep it that way. So when any of them would ask, I would simply shake my head and tell them that it was nothing and we would be alright. Even though I didn’t know what would happen, whether we would be alright with time. This is the exact reason I was scared to tell Liam about my feeling for him in the first place; if anything happened between us or he had rejected me, I was worried there would be an awkwardness between the two of us. Well, it seems too late to stop that now…

I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t been hurting these past couple of days. It’s been torture to just think about Liam and especially what he did to me. I can’t believe he did that, he’s usually such a kind hearted man who would never do anything to hurt anyone else. So why did he do it? I’m so confused, he has absolutely no reason to just go and kiss someone else while he says he’s ‘dating’ me. If he didn’t like me in that way, he should’ve said so at the very beginning, instead of leading me on and getting my hopes up. I feel stupid, I should’ve known it was too good to be true and he would never feel the same way.

I’ve been trying to keep all my feelings bottled up, afraid that if I let them spill, I wouldn’t be able to control myself anymore. But that’s not as easy as it sounds.

“You ready?” Niall asked as I got into his car, heading to rehearsals for the second time in two days.

“Of course. Let’s go Nialler.” I put an enthusiastic smile on my face and ruffled his hair. Now wasn’t the time to be worrying about Liam, I had been doing too much of that lately.

Niall didn’t seem convinced, however, he drove off down the road anyway.

We arrived at the rehearsal studio and I greeted Louis and Harry normally but skilfully avoiding Liam.

We ran through the majority of our songs, making sure we all knew our parts and our vocals were in tune; which was mostly pointless since we were pretty much perfect. Not to boast or anything. But we all were in tune, in time and knew our parts, although I suppose it was good to have a practice.

We were singing the final song, ‘truly, madly, deeply’ before we had a break for lunch. I tried desperately not to look at Liam but I couldn’t help it. The song just reminded me of us, our situation wasn’t exactly the same, but it still caused all the feelings from the past few days to come flooding in. I tore my eyes away from Liam, staring much too intently to the wall to the left of me. After the first chorus, I tried to block out the words coming from Liam’s mouth, but I felt so emotionally attached to them. They were everything I wanted to happen between us. But we weren’t talking to each other. And that killed me inside. I didn’t know how I was going to keep this up; I couldn’t live the rest of my life never talking to him again. We’re in the same band for god’s sake, and that couldn’t work out if neither of us were communicating. I was still lost in Liam’s words, when I realized it was my turn to sing: