my pearl~ tsireya x fem oc!

part 7: fear

<hope you all enjoy!!>

kaiyanas pov:
i couldn't sleep that night, i kept tossing and turning. i eventually sat up, knees to my chest, and arms around my knees.

i kept thinking about the danger of liking tsireya. why couldn't i just love her freely?

aonung probably told everyone already.

not to mention neteyam is definitely going to find out, he has always dug the truth out of me and lo'ak, i'm so scared...
what if this secret tears our family apart?
what if mom and dad hate me?
what if the metkayina kick us out?

before i knew it, all these thoughts and questions made me shed a tear. i felt so ashamed. i almost felt disgusted with myself.

i hate this.

i hate feeling this way.

i just wanted tsireya, is that such a crime? is it a crime to want to hold her, touch her, kiss her? she makes me happy, when i'm with her i feel like i'm floating,
she reminds me of home...
she is my home now...

i started crying, tears rolling down my face. i didn't want to wake the others so i left and walked to the shore. i sat on the cold sand as i sobbed continuously. i looked up, seeing all the stars in the night sky. i remember being back at the forest doing the same thing.

at least i'll always see the same stars no matter where i am.

i hear footsteps behind me and turn my head to see my mother walk towards me. i stand up quickly and wipe my tears away hoping she doesn't question.

"what are you doing out here yana?" she asks quietly.

"i uh couldn't sleep so i came out here to look at the stars.." i say looking down so she doesn't see my face. it's not like i lied but i didn't say the whole truth..
she comes closer and pulls my head up softly.
"oh baby.. come here" she puts her arms around my body and hugs me tightly.

feeling my mothers comfort made my eyes water, and eventually cry.
i cry quietly in my mothers embrace.
i couldn't keep it in anymore.
it hurt too much.

"i hate it mom" i mutter between sobs.
"it's okay yana, i'm here.. talk to me"
she cups my face to see my eyes.
i see a thin layer of water on her own eyes.

knowing she must hate seeing me like this shattered my heart.

"i cant tell you mom.." i say.
"kaiyana"
"you can tell me anything.. always"
i excepted that i had to tell her, she is my mother.
"i.. love someone i shouldn't"
"..who?"

"tsireya..."i couldn't bare look in the eye so i look to the side.

her face became painted with confusion and revelation, it was subtle but i could still feel her shock.
her body had tensed at the name but slowly softened again.
she held me close once more, but this time i felt acceptance and love.

"it's okay kaiyana, i understand"

i shed another tear hearing those words, it felt like a weight had finally left my shoulders. i was happy. we smiled at each other.

"don't worry, i will always protect you, no matter what"

after a few minutes feeling her embrace we walked back to the hut and i slept in her arms like when i was younger.
i love her.

<not me crying while writing 😭😭 damn this chapter was just pure angst.. next chapter will be out soon!!>