𝗡𝗶𝗿𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗮|𝗸𝘂𝗿𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

014

Jan 24, 1984

"Y/n the phones ringing!" "Okay mom give me a second." I run downstairs and pick up the phone. "Hello?" "Hey Y/n I'm leaving my house right now so I'll be there in five minutes."

"Okay Kurt see you in five!" I hear a slight chuckle on the other end and then the line goes dead. I go upstairs and fix myself before grabbing my backpack.

The door bell rings. "Bye mom." "Bye n/n!" "Love you!" "Love you too." I sigh. Mom and I have been having a rough relationship. She's drinking more, random guys keep coming over to the house often, She's becoming aggressive.

Just the other day we got into an argument. She didn't want me to hang around Kurt. She said he was a bad influence.

I don't understand how she could say that considering he's been there for me more than she ever has. So we argued until she started hitting me. I froze when she did that...not because I was hurt or scared of the action but because I was scared she was turning into her old self.

She yelled for hours about how me and Kurt are so close. How boys and girls can't hang out the way we do.

She was screaming so loud I figured the neighbors could hear her saying "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, I DIDN'T RAISE A KID I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING WANT TO BECOME A WHORE WHOS GOING TO GET KNOCKED UP AT SEVENTEEN!"

After her outburst I walked out of the house. Kurt was the only person I had and the only one who could comfort me after that. He held me as I cried into his arms, As I tried to let every mean thing she said to me that evening go with my tears.

I don't understand how she could say that about Kurt. I don't understand how she could go back to her old ways.

I don't understand how she can look me in my eyes and say she loves me when we both know that's not true. I look down at my shoes making sure they're tied and open the door.

"BEANNN!!!" "Hey KC!!" I close the door behind me and we start to walk. "So todays going to be kinda fun!" "Wow I would never have thought I would hear you, Kurt Cobain say that going to school would be fun!" I laughed.

"Yeah!" He said while a blush spreads across his face. My heart felt like it was being stabbed, at the moment I started to put the pieces together.

Kurt has been hanging out with me a little less and spending more time with this other person who is don't know...And it's not a problem because it shouldn't matter who he's friends with but that's not why I'm hurt.

I think he's dating someone. The same Kurt Cobain I've had a crush on for years is dating someone. I try to let this process in my head.

"Hey bean, is that a new pin!?" "Oh that one, yeah!" I say while pointing to my Pink Floyd pin."I really like that one!" He starts to ramble on about something else.

I've always appreciated Kurt's ability to notice such little things, like how he loves the pins on my backpack as well as the hundreds of keychains on the zippers and can tell when I've added another.

How he noticed when I would trim even a centimeter of hair of my head. I wish he would notice how I felt about him but I guess it's too late, He would never be with someone like me and I would never be good enough to be with someone like him.

We walk into school and take our seats in first period, Im trying to distract myself by looking anywhere else but his face, because the deep ache in my chest will hurt even more.

I don't understand why I'm so upset. I knew I never had a chance. He's just a boy it doesn't matter. I don't understand why my mind just can't accept that.