I Do What I Do » John Taylor

XV

January 18th, 1984

JOHN

What the hell have I done?

I've managed to hurt and possibly lose the most important person in my life right now. All because of me and my fucking drug addiction.

Janine walks back in as I'm sitting up on the bed, trying not to cry again. I've been up almost all night. I've felt so shameful and disgusting that I couldn't bring myself to touch any more of the substance. "John?" she calls out with worry. She comes over and tries to wrap an arm around me.

I swat it away. "No, Janine. Not now," I say shakily. "Where even were you last night?"

"I told you last night that I'd be gone until morning. I had shoots and an afterparty," she explains.

"Whatever."

"What- what happened?" she stutters.

"I got into an argument with Erin," I answer.

She looks down at me. "I'm sorry, honey."

"We're done," I blurt out.

"Huh?" she asks, taken aback.

"We're done, Janine," I repeat, slowing my words so she can understand it fully.

She leaps up. "So you're breaking up with me," she states defensively.

I nod slowly.

She scoffs. "It's because of her."

I wipe a tear from my face and stand up. "It's not because of her, Janine. I don't love you. I wanted to...I thought I did. But I didn't. And I don't."

"How dare you!"

"No, Janine! How dare you?" I shout back. "You've been nothing but a total bitch to her since the tour started! But I refused to listen to what everyone was saying!"

She begins to cry. "I can't believe this! I seriously can't believe this!"

"Take off the ring, Janine," I demand. "I'm in no mood."

"Ugh!" She twists the ring off of her finger angrily and throws it at me. "Fuck this! Fuck everything!"

"Janine, please. Just pack your things and go," I groan.

She frantically runs around the room, shoving her belongings into her suitcase and bags. She walks up to me and gets in my face. "I don't care what you say. This is all that bitch's fault."

My blood boils. "Get out."

She storms out in a fit of rage and slams the door.

I sit on the bed and hang my head in my hands.

"You fucking bitch!"

I jump up and open the door to see Janine storming over to Erin's room, following her inside. She's going to give her so much shit. And it's all my fault.

I stand in the doorway, staring at Janine's bags sprawled out in the middle of the hallway. What do I do? I hear the door open once more and quickly shut mine so she doesn't know I was watching.

I look through the peephole and watch as Janine picks up her things and walks out of sight. When I know the coast is clear, I tear the door open and quietly make my way over to Erin's.

I knock softly, hoping to make the statement that it's not Janine.

The door opens and I come face-to-face with Erin. She looks exhausted. Hurt. All thanks to me.