Starboy. {h.s au}

nineteen.

HARRY'S POV

Coming home was like a walk of shame, especially with Leon. I knew Leon cared about me, but sometimes his love felt so cold. I wasn't sure if love was supposed to feel that way. I had always been the bubbly one out of the two of us; he was the most serious. I think that was why father would always choose Leon to do things over me, perhaps because I wasn't serious.

But I could be.

Growing up on this planet was hard enough. Being the son of the king, I had to live up to a lot of standards, but I was afraid they were ones I simply couldn't reach.

Father used to scold me about playing around too much, even if it was with one of the other star-kids. He told me that I should follow Leon's steps, take after Leon, walk like Leon, talk like Leon. It was always about Leon.

Leon. Leon. Leon.

But me?

I just wanted to be my own person. Outside of my brother.

I wanted to be like everyone else, but my father never allowed me the fun activities that I should have had. So instead, I was the one that peered outside my room to see the star-kids playing. I envied them and maybe they envied me, but if they were in my position they wouldn't feel nearly as jealous. Money was not everything, sure we had the riches, but that meant nothing to me if I wasn't out there having fun or living a life I wanted so desperately to have.

I wanted to feel what those kids felt as they beamed from point to point together, leaving trails of laughter in their own dust. It would echo in my brain, even when they were far gone. It stayed with me like a gnawing in my chest. And once that feeling started, I never really grew out of it.

Leon took on missions way before me. My father didn't trust me up until this point, so you could imagine my excitement whenever the mission was offered to me. Before that, I was watching Leon leave our planet almost every day to do his missions. I envied him in the worst way, I could admit that. Jealousy washed over me every time he got to leave the planet while I had to stay by mother's side.

It was embarrassing.

And yet, I somehow managed to fuck up my first mission this bad. At least that was what it seemed like given the distant glares I would catch from Leon as I followed slowly beside him. All the way past the clouds, past the moon, and to the familiar glare of our home planet.

Our bodies grazed against the cold surface of the ground, the twinkling lights of our palace that once soothed me, now blinded me with shame ahead of us. I didn't even bother to look up to greet the guards, who seemed to immediately notice my change in demeanor. As well as Leon's.

We walked silently through the hallways of the palace, the silence deafening. Our heels clicking only rang louder in my ears the more I tuned into our surroundings, it being the only sound in the hallway other than my nonexistent heart pounding. When we got to my room, I stopped at the door, staring at it as if it was going to bite me.