my poetry - kelsey loch

belief in the words of a man

once again, i'm left with non-burnable memories and a photo slip full of trinkets.
reminders of you.
the good, the bad, anything that can remind me that you're no longer in my life.
all i ever wish is for you to gain back the happiness i burrowed from you,
we both know i have a terrible stealing addiction.
i stole your happiness before you could steal mine, i have always gotten what i wanted.
hence the reason i don't accept being in error well.
so i'll write until the urge to cry in your arms fades away, because you were once the boy who cried in mine.
i woke up yesterday morning, and i felt your arms around me. a smile gazed upon my face, and faded as soon as i remembered.
you aren't mine anymore, you aren't my call away for comfort, you aren't the person who deserved to be stabbed with my trauma.
i never knew what a balanced life felt like with you, my emotions were always exaggerated by your side.
you made me the absolute happiest,
and within seconds from that moment- i felt barbaric enough to take my anger out on you.
i was so damaged, undeniably hurt, so afraid to be loved again-
that i made you despise me.
you weren't able to break what wasn't fixed, and i was safe to steal your bandages of love.
it's not that you didn't let me try to return them,
it's that i didn't realize what i was doing.
i was afraid to believe the words of a man again,
that i treated you as if you were my trauma.
i'm not asking for forgiveness, i'm not saying that i know how to resolve this at all.
however,
from whatever genuine heart is left-
i'm constantly aching for what i did to you.