our daughter (marina fanfic)

Chapter 23

A/N: Hey everyone! Have fun reading another chapter, let me know what you think in the comments. I still have a couple of Italy chapters and then it's back to Seattle. Any ideas/wishes, leave them below! :)

Carina's POV

"I gotta agree with mom, I've missed Italian food", Olivia smiled as she took another forkful from her pasta. 

We had been in Sicily for 5 days and were eating lunch at a small restaurant near our hotel. Olivia and I decided on pasta, and Maya chose pizza. To be honest, I felt relieved. Even three months ago this situation would have been a nightmare because of Olivia's eating disorder. I couldn't even imagine the amount of arguing, slamming doors and fighting this trip would have caused during the spring when her disorder was really acting up. But I am so happy where we are now. I felt so happy seeing her enjoy her food again. This also made me realize what a rollercoaster this year had already been. 

"Do you like it bambina", I asked my daughter with a genuine smile, pointing to the meal. 

"Yeah, it's delicious. Can we get dessert?", she asked with a persuasive grin. 

I looked at Olivia and then at Maya, who had the same smile as I did. Our eyes matched and I sighed deeply happily. She understood what I was thinking. She understood the reason for my smile. And clearly, she agreed. 

A little while later as we were walking back to the hotel, Olivia spoke up. 

"Moms, I was thinking. Would it be possible for me to start slowly working out again, I miss it", she began. 

"And no, not for the reason of compensating or losing weight, but I miss running and it made me feel good. And I slowly need to start building up my strength again for soccer"

"If, I go back to soccer again this fall...", she quietly hesitated. 

"Honey, I don't know if it would be a good idea, you are not yet fully weight restored", Maya sighed, but clearly understanding our daughter's thinking. 

"Am I close?", the girl questioned curiously. 

I wasn't sure if we should've answered that question. On the path of recovery or not, weight topics did not seem like a good idea. 

"You're getting there bella", I answered, not giving any specific numbers and dropping the topic there. 

"So?", Olivia spoke after a few seconds of silence. 

"Let mom and I talk about it okay?", I replied. 

Our daughter nodded, and we kept on walking until we reached the hotel. 

Olivia's POV

I really hoped I would get a chance to exercise again. I was the same way as my mom, it was a good release method for dealing with my emotions. It was a way to process. I'm not saying I'm completely recovered, and I'm not sure if starting to exercise now is the most perfect idea but I wanna go back to it. I can't help being impatient. 

"The answer is yes", mom said as they came to my room at the end of the day to say goodnight. 

"Really??", I squealed excitedly. 

"Si bambina, BUT first you can only go running with your mother since we don't want you to overwork yourself and we need to keep an eye on you first. And max twice a week", mama cleared seriously.  

I wasn't sure if I was happy with that answer but I decided to compromise so I nodded. This was something. 

"When can we go, can we go now?", I asked eagerly, projecting the question to my mom. 

"Woah sunshine someone's excited. It's getting late, can you wait til tomorrow?", she chuckled to which I gave a small grin. 

The next morning

I was eating breakfast with my parents in our hotel room, and I felt nervous about what was about to happen later. What if I couldn't run anymore? What if I'll be exhausted after like 5 minutes? We finished eating and soon enough mom and I got ready for our run. I have been waiting for this for months. 

"Are you ready?", mom asked me as we were doing quick stretches next to the hotel in our running gear.  

"What if I suck?", I admitted quietly. 

Mom turned towards me and cupped my cheeks, "Hey, you absolutely couldn't suck whatsoever. Yes, you had a break and your body needed it but you'll get back up again. It's not a bad thing if you need to go slow at first, and we'll stop immediately when you start to feel tired, okay? We'll go slow", she said gently. 

We began, and at first, I felt great. The light running we were doing felt amazing. The air flowing towards my face and in my hair felt refreshing, good. There was the slightest burn in my legs as my feet hit the pavement, but it wasn't uncomfortable, again, it felt good. The adrenaline felt exciting. 

After the second mile, however, something switched. The voice was back there again. And it blocked every rational thought in my head, even though I tried to shake it off. 

After three miles, I started to feel tired. I looked at my mom who was still running without any issues. Her voice echoed in my head 

"we'll stop immediately when you start to feel tired"

The returning voice was loud. It told me to keep going, to ignore the sting and exhaustion. It was telling me to just keep going, to run faster, to not give up yet. It was so persuasive. I wasn't sure of what to do. The sick euphoria returning felt odd. So I kept on going, but my mind wasn't leaving me alone.  

I noticed my breathing become irregular. I lost the pattern of my breathing and while stomping one foot after the other, I felt myself start to choke a little bit. I could still keep on going a little bit right? The voice was so loud. You can't stop yet, you're not that weak. Just a little bit more Liv, think about how much better you'll feel later if you don't stop now. It started to scare me, I wanted it to go away. It was filling my entire head and it was too loud. 

"JUST SHUT UP", I suddenly yelled. 

I didn't even realize I had stopped moving until I heard a distant voice. It was calm, gentle, and warm. It was mom. There was a ring in my ears and my eyes couldn't focus. 

"Liv, hey, hey you're okay. Just keep breathing"

I snapped back to reality, noticing my very obvious panic attack. Mom was in front of me, taking a hold of my hands and drawing small circles with her thumb on the back of my hand. Only now I noticed the small tear tracks on my face. 

"Just take deep breaths, honey, in and out", mom instructed me. 

I wasn't able to form words. I felt so confused. I was just sobbing in the middle of the street, and I couldn't stop. Mom placed her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug, trying to get me to calm down using pressure against my body. 

And after a few minutes, I was finally somewhat calm again. Mom suggested that we'd finish this for the day and go back, to which I agreed to. I felt exhausted. She placed her arm over my shoulders and we walked in silence back to the hotel. I wasn't sure of what to do next, I wasn't prepared for the voice to come back.