our daughter (marina fanfic)

Chapter 49

"Wanna help us make dinner?", Maya asked Olivia when the groceries were put away.

"Yeah, sure"

(tw, mentions of sh)

Olivia's POV

Our family prepared one of our favourite dishes, vegetarian lasagna. Once the dish was in the oven, we all sat on the couch, all basically on top of each other, watching a movie as it was now raining comfortably outside, making a soothing noise of raindrops hitting the window panels. 

I couldn't really concentrate, as I was thinking deeply. I couldn't help but share my experience from the café. I wanted to talk about it. For the summer I didn't really have consistent therapy appointments, so chances to vent were fewer. 

"You know," I began, a sense of doubt in my voice, "today at the café, as I ordered the latte, I realized something. My eating disorder thoughts weren't as loud as they used to be. I was able to enjoy the drink without feeling guilty or overwhelmed by self-judgment. I didn't even realize I had ordered vanilla to it, something extra to it until I had already ordered. It wasn't even sugar-free syrup."

Mom and mama exchanged a look which looked like pride mixed with relief. I don't know if it was a silent acknowledgement of the progress they had witnessed throughout the past year. Mom quickly pressed pause on the movie and both of them were now fully focused.  

Mom took a deep breath and spoke softly, "Olivia, it's hard to express how proud we are of you. We've seen how much you've grown, how you've faced your battles with such courage."

Mama nodded in agreement, her voice filled with emotion. "It has been scary for us, watching you navigate your eating disorder. We worried every day, afraid that we might say or do something wrong. Afraid you would faint again or stop eating completely. Or that you'd had to be hospitalized. But we're so grateful that you allowed us to be there for you, to support you. And we are so happy you have decided to continue therapy. Your mom and I are so relieved of your progress, bambina."

"And your mama and I know it's not completely over. The journey is long, and we want you to understand that we get that, honey. But we have seen you do so well sunshine. We are so proud of how far you've become. But we understand that you still might struggle.", mom continued. 

I didn't really know what to say. I know I wouldn't have survived my struggles without them. They didn't disown me for being sick and being unwell. They weren't mad as I first thought they would be. They were loving, helping. They were always helping, even though sometimes it was the most annoying thing. 

"Thanks", I replied. I fiddled with my sleeves. 

Another thing from the past year was my journey with self-harm. My moms took the thing very seriously, and often suddenly asked me to roll up my sleeves, to see if there would be any new ones. Sometimes there were, and they felt helpless, that even with therapy it was something I had a hard time stopping. Then they would ask me again to give them everything I used to harm myself, which made me angry.

"Do-....do you think my arms are ugly?", I whispered, still fiddling the material of my sleeves. 

"What makes you ask that sweetheart?", mom asked gently. 

I hadn't told them I had recently relapsed. I felt embarrassed. They tried their hardest to help me and were always so supportive. But with Micah leaving for Georgetown, and the stress about senior year and the future, one night it felt like too much. I had done so well for months now, and they must have thought that too and probably thought that I didn't do it anymore. But now I had done it again. It wasn't a big relapse, but one nonetheless. 

"Because-... because the scars are ugly. And I have gained weight this past year", I replied, looking at the floor. 

"Bambina... they are not ugly. They show that you are so strong and have grown so much. You have survived awful things, but you are getting through them", mama spoke. 

"And Olivia, listen to us. You are perfect just the way you are. Your worth isn't determined by your weight. What matters most is that you're healthy and happy.", mom added, stroking my hair.

Mama nodded in agreement, offering her support. "Gaining weight is not a failure, bella. It's a sign of growth and healing. We love you no matter what, and we're here to remind you that your worth goes far beyond any number on a scale." she said gently, looking into my eyes.

I swallowed, took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I-... I relapsed a little while ago". 

"I'm sorry", I whispered quietly. 

It was silent until mama spoke

"Can mama look?", she asked. 

I didn't reply, but some seconds later I felt mom's hand at the bottom of my back, rubbing it gently which felt comforting. I felt mama's hands on my sleeve, as she started to roll it up gently.

I opened my eyes and saw her scanning the new lines, taking better hold of the wrist to see if any needed any care. Due to them being very small, the answer was fortunately no. 

"Are you mad?", I asked. 

"I saw mama look at mom before replying with a sigh. "No bellina, we're not mad."

"Can you tell us what caused you to hurt yourself again?", mom questioned calmly. 

I tried to explain to them what had caused my recent wobble. They asked if everything was fine between Micah and me, and if I had any thoughts of starting to restrict with food again. When I told them no, they were both relieved. Mama stroked my arm gently as she rolled the sleeve down again.  

"I'm sorry", I said again. 

"No sweetie, you don't have to be sorry. But thank you for telling us. Thank you for trusting your mama and me.", mom replied. 

"We will always be here for you, bella. We will take the blades later, but let's eat first, si?", mama added. 

Before we all got up and went to the kitchen to take the lasagna from the oven and eat, mom and mama enveloped me in a comforting embrace, their love radiating through their touch. I was squished between them, both of their arms around my upper body. I was able to smell their signature perfumes, mama's smelling delicate and musky, and mom's a bit sweeter with a hint of vanilla. I sighed deeply, also smelling their shampoo, which brought a wave of comfort to my body. I nuzzled myself more into their embrace and exhaled. 

"Love you moms", I spoke. 

"We love you so much more, bella", mama replied with a kiss on my cheek. 

Mom gave me another kiss on my temple. "You're our world, sunshine". 

A/N: Hi everyone, this is the second to last chapter of my book "Our daughter". Stay tuned for the last chapter.