Rasmus and I have both been under a whole lot of pressure. Rasmus of course has more opportunities than ever with hockey and he's overwhelmed. I have a ton of things going on at work, exams are coming up at school, and my family isn't exactly picture perfect. There has been a lot of tension filling our apartment, it's so thick you could cut it. Everytime we begin to feel ourselves lose control we walk away. We haven't talked about our problems in forever. Everytime they get brought up we explode. Neither of us wants to hurt the other with words we don't mean.
Tonight Tage and Rachel are coming over for dinner and that's just something else I have to do. I love having them over, I just don't have any idea what to make. I decide on pasta because it's easy and it'll be done quick, which leaves me time to study before they get here. I head into the office and grab my notebooks and notes. I sit down in the big office chair and begin to write down the things I still need to memorize.
Rasmus walks in and tension fills the room. It's not that we have a problem with each other, our separate problems are just interfering with our relationship. It's something we need to fix asap. "What's for dinner?" He asks softly, as if he's trying not to anger me. "I figured pasta, it's easy and we all like it." I answer. "What time are they coming?" I ask. "An hour." He says. I nod. "Can we talk?" I ask. We need to get this done sooner rather than later.
"Is it important?" He asks. "I think it is." I respond. He nods, closes the office door and sits down on the loveseat. "Ras I know we both have a lot going on," I start, watching his every move and the change in his expression. "I just feel like we've both been distant because we haven't talked about anything, our problems I mean. We're not as open with each other anymore. I want that back." I finish. He seems skeptical, he's sorting through his thoughts. "We're as open as we always have been." He replies.
"Rasmus can't you feel the tension? It's not the same, it doesn't feel like it at least." I say softly. "Y/n it's the same. We're fine." He says. Is he in denial? "We're not fine." I argue, trying to remain calm. "Well it's just you who's not fine then." He counters. "See what I'm talking about? You're closed off from me." I say. His expression goes cold. "I'm done with this conversation." He says, standing up. "So you're going to walk away from your problems again? You're going to ignore my feelings?" I ask, pushing up off the chair. "I'm not walking away from my problems." He says, not facing me.
"You're ignoring my feelings Rasmus." I say. No response. "Don't be like this." I raise my voice a little. "Be like what? Huh?" He turns around. His eyes are different, he's not my Rasmus, it's all anger. "I've done everything for you! I have given away so many opportunities for you Y/n! I could be so much more than I am right now but I gave it all up for you! And now I'm walking away from my problems? I'm ignoring your feelings? Tell me how you feel then! Go on! Are you scared? Angry? Have you fallen out of love?" He yells. He has never, ever, raised his voice at me.
"Rasmus stop." I whisper. "Stop? No! You did this!" He yells, stepping towards me. "You're not the same person I fell in love with when you yell." I say, barely above a whisper. "If you don't love me, leave." He says, quieter but his voice shakes with anger. "I love you, just not when you're like this. You're scaring me, relax please and then we can talk." I say. "No! We have company coming. Make dinner, fix your makeup, and we can pretend this never happened." He says, taking my wrist in his hand. "Okay?" He asks. I nod softly and wipe the tears off my face.
"I don't have a problem." He tells me before walking away. I walk into the bedroom and take a makeup wipe, clearing off the mascara tear stains. I walk out into the living room and see Tage and Rachel. "Hi Y/n." Tage says. I hug him quickly and then hug Rachel. "Hi guys." I say, making sure my voice doesn't break. "I'm starting dinner right now. I hope pasta is alright." I say and they nod. "I'll help you." Rachel says and we walk into the kitchen together. I sniffle and hope the noise of the pans covers it. I fill the pot with water and bend down, placing it on the stove and turning it on.
