What we could've been | TWD Carnid

THE GUARDIANS

ENID

When I open my eyes, I take a minute before realizing where I am. My sight comes first as I see some beam of lights start illuminating my room. I can hear voices and laugh from outside, kids running. I can smell stew being made . I turn to my side to discover Alden, still asleep. He looks so peaceful that way. So am I. But I can't get to sleep either so I get up, as slowly as I can not to wake him up. I grab his shirt on the floor and put it on to cover myself. Bare legged, I stumble to my desk on which I take a small pencil and a piece of paper. Dear Maggie – I start writing, letting the words write themselves down on paper.

"Hey you" I hear not more than a whisper behind me.

"Hey you" I say back to Alden waking up

"What are you doing?" He asks with his sleepy voice.

"I am writing a letter to Maggie" I inform him with a grin

"Again?" He doesn't judge, he's just curious.

"Well a lot of things have happened over the last few days" I retort.

"Yes it has."

He says that seriously but then a smirk appears on the corner of his mouth and I know he refers to last night. I put my pencil down, and get up to go back to bed. Alden opens his arms to welcome me under the sheets. I pull him closer which makes him shiver.

"You're cold" He retorts as I scoff.

"We should get out of bed" I say after a few minutes.

"We don't have to" He starts to argue. I put my head on his torso, hiding a smile from him. This being so sweet can't stop me from arguing though.

"I am the doctor, they could need me"

"I almost died, they owe me" - I roll my eyes - "And... If they truly need you they can just come in"

"Right of course. Tara and Jesus would love that"

I said that way too quickly for me to realize my mistake before the words came out. I frown as I remember he's gone

"You okay?" Alden asks softly while caressing my arm.

"I miss him. He was the best of us. A great leader and friend"

"I know. I owe him my life."

"You're not the only one. Most saviors here do, we all do."

Alden nods at this. We both fall into memories instinctively. A second pass before I carry on.

"One time, a few years ago, I went beyond the walls for a walk..." I hesitate a bit but Alden is just listening without judging so I go on, recalling about that day "A woman had died over the night and turned. I was still in the infirmary when she got out and took people by surprise. I heard some shrieks and runned out to find the walker getting close to the children. And for a second I froze. Just for a second before I put the walker down. No one was hurt but they could've been. A second was already too much. I had gotten too soft. That's what I kept repeating to myself as I went out in the woods. I wandered all night, desperate to remind myself what it was out there. Jesus found me in the morning, crouched on the floor. He was surprised but didn't say a thing about it, he just sat next to me and talked about other things, gossiping really. After a few minutes, he made me laugh and I don't know why, I felt this urge to tell him everything. I felt safe with him and confided in him. When I was done, he said he understood but that I didn't have to run anymore. Being safe doesn't mean being soft. He made me promise not to leave impulsively and in exchange he could teach me how to fight, to defend myself and keep my fighting spirit awake. He reminded me of Glenn. He did. Just like him, he found me at my worst and brought me back home. I will always be grateful for it." The more I talked, the more memories came back and my voice lowered to become just a whisper at the end.