What we could've been | TWD Carnid

THE GRIMES

ENID

I finally reach the bathroom, which consists only of a sink, a shower and a toilet. A toilet. My eyes linger on it. It may seem stupid but I feel obliged to use it. After months of doing it in the wild, I can't resist. I relieve myself, enjoying the fact that I don't have to work my quads while suspended. Once finished, I use real toilet paper to my delight. As I use the sink to wash my hands and I meet my eyes in the mirror on the ledge.

Between my head bandage, a cut on my cheek and the dirt, I don't look like much. I gently remove my bandage not without grunting, laying the slightly reddened cloth on the sink. I do the same for my splint and my dirty clothes, which I roll into a ball and throw on the floor. I only carefully remove the watch from my pocket to put it on the sink where I can stare at it. I cannot express how grateful I am to Carl for returning it to me. But then my eyes are drawn to my still very slightly reddened scar on my abdomen. I make a face, realizing how much the forest has left its mark on my skin.

Once naked, I open the shower window and step into it. I take a breath and turn on the faucet for the cold water to flow on my face. But to my surprise, it warms up. Even though it burns my skin, especially on some open cuts, it's been way too long since I've felt this way, so I let the scalding water skin on my hair and body. I can only smile once I feel as if I am washing away everything, purging my body of the last few days, months even.

But I won't forget. I have scars on my whole body to remind me of it. But mostly, I don't want to. So as I stand under the shower, I force myself to remind me of everything that went down since the barn. Images flow through my mind, the failed attempts to escape, the hunger, the cold, the drowning, the beating. I remember the nightmares, the constant fear of being hunted down, the loss to the will to live. I remember it all.

And then I consider everything I have missed out on. Everyone I left behind. That's when it strikes me that the girl I used to be is among them. This Enid is gone and she isn't going to return. Not if I want the whisperers to pay. No, that's not even true. I just don't think I could ever bring her back. She's in me, somewhere deep down, but something else has taken over. Anger.

Rage is flowing through my veins. And when my throat is sore and my eyes are so red it hurts, I have a smile on my face because I just mourned Enid, the girl I once was. I grieved for her. And now, as I stand up again, I can say I've survived it all. Every damn thing they put me through, I made it out.

***

I've barely turned off the water when I hear some knocking on the door. I can't help but to be startled at first until I hear his voice.

"Enid? I thought you might want some new clothes. I... I got you some of mine that are a bit too little for me, I thought that... I don't know" I smile a bit at his awkwardness as I cover myself with the towel before I ajar the door to take a quick glance at him.

"You... look" His eye almost immediately drops to my body before he swallows with difficulty.

"Not muddy ?" I finish with a little laugh, a bit embarrassed. It's dumb I know, it's nothing he hasn't seen before but I can't help pulling my towel up.

"I was going to say pretty" He exhales and immediately freezes as if he didn't mean to say it out loud. Which... is kinda cute

"Oh" I find myself only able to answer. I can tell my cheeks are blushing as I tuck a glock of my hair behind my ear. I look down, running from his eye for a whole minute before I find the courage to glance at him. What I didn't expect was to see him staring at me.

"Carl?" But it's barely if he's heard me, still focusing on the water rolling down my skin.

"Hum?"

"The clothes?" A grin appears on my face as I look at his unsettled face. I can tell the moment he realizes what he was doing