What we could've been | TWD Carnid

ALEXANDRIA

ENID

The gates are made of metal. Panels piled up to resist attacks. Some spikes are surrounding the walls, making sure everything holds together. The sunset is reflecting on the metal, blinding me for a second before I cover my eyes with my hand so I can see the first gate slides to reveal another. It's more like bars so I can see her standing out before she actually steps out of the town. Michonne's hand goes instinctively to her mouth in disbelief as she stumbles to Carl, bringing him for a hug she seems to have longed for.

I can hear them but can't listen. All I know is he's happy and so is she. Something hicks inside me, this guilt of having taken him away from his family for weeks. But I am mostly numb, their voices being muffled as if I am just a spectator, watching the scene from a far, outside of my body. And for some reason I feel some deja vu from the first time I ever laid a foot here. Memories since that day to now just flow through my mind as I stand still. Waiting. For what, I don't know.

I am brought back to reality when someone else appears in my eyesight. I look up and down to the man, my eyes stopping on his collar. Gabriel. His mouth is moving, his eyes analyzing me yet I don't react. Not until he raises his hand to take my hand. That's when something takes over : survival instinct I guess. I move machinally. I grab his wrist and twist it with my healthy hand. I can tell it hurts him by the way he makes a face yet he doesn't fight back. Why not ?

"Waw waw waw Enid stand down" I can hear beside me but won't let go. Not until Carl's hands recover mine gently. "You are okay. They are friends" He murmurs to my ear. I step back almost immediately, mumbling some apologies.

"It's fine. Don't worry" Gabriel tells me kindly, hiding his hand behind his back. Before he turns to Carl, grabbing his forearm respectfully pulling him for a quick hug "I am glad you are home"

"Me too" Carl answers and he seems honest. Why wouldn't he be it's his home, his family. Speaking of which, Michonne steps forward in my direction, maintaining a good distance though.

"It's good to see you Enid" She isn't like when I've last seen her, physically the same but the way she behaves. She seems less brutal, more kind. Maybe because she lost people in the barn too. Or maybe because she thought I was dead and left me there like so many others. Not that I blame them, it could have started a war and got more people killed. I am just one person after all.

"Why don't we go in instead? You look like you would need some medical attention. Both of you"

That's when they notice Joan, wrapped on my back. Michonne opens her mouth but shuts it as Carl's look dissuades her to ask. "Three of you then"

I can tell what they are thinking, the same thought which crossed Carl's mind when we reunited : is she mine? I want to clear the air but can't find the strength to explain anything. I would have to talk about Dawn and Jonas and right now, I am just tired. I only have one thing on my mind. One person. So as soon as we step inside, I ask.

"Where is he?" Michonne and Gabriel exchange a look and I know they know who I am referring to.

"As soon as we saw you on that road, we sent someone to go look for him" Gabriel informs me with a sweet smile and for a second I feel bad about his wrist. "But for now, let's get you to the infirmary" I nod machinally, getting closer to Carl as we walk through Alexandria.

Funny how your mind twists your memories. I have spent years in this town, yet somehow it's like I have forgotten so many parts of it. Cozy houses on both sides, solar panels against the walls, a new playground in the middle. So as I take one step after the other, my eyes wander on the town, making sure to remember every corner. That's what I focus on rather than the curious pair of eyes turning our way. It's late in the afternoon yet so many people are out in the streets, looking at us, me, curiously. I don't like it, it's too many people for me. Some come forward to greet Carl, repeating 'welcome home' again and again. I don't know why I am surprised when I've always known Carl would end up being a pillar of the town, just like his father and Michonne. It's what he was meant to be.