The Young Republic | A Star Wars Story

Chapter 20

The click and the bomb

"The most dangerous beast is the beast within"

TW: Mentions of SH in the first part. Nothing graphic, but still there.

Obi-Wan was in the middle of a much-needed meditation session when Xena greeted him, heading to another training session with 'the boys' as she had taken to calling the Clones. Although strange, seeing as Xena had barely recovered spiritually from all that happened on Mandalore, Obi-Wan was not going to stop the girl's stamina. And some good old physical exercises never hurt anybody; Xena needed that upper body strength.

So Obi-Wan would simply wish her well and make her promise not to hurt herself in the process. And it took every nerve in Obi-Wan's body to not put a curfew on Xena's endeavours - because good Force was he a nervous wreck!

Obi-Wan had discovered that he needed to do this virtually every minute since Xena left the Halls of Healing. He kept having to restrain himself. Was he suddenly more bothered by the fact that Xena was spending hours alone with men? Yes. Was he continually worried about how well Xena got along with Anakin? Yes. Was he catching his breath more during Council Meeting, mind coming up with everything unrelated to the business spoken about? Absolutely. Every second sentence gave way as his mind flooded with images of a tiny little Xena, with adorable chubby cheeks, precious wobbly legs, and wonderfully charming grabby hands, running around with a strange man who was not her father.

Oh, and there was the incessant urge to worry and flutter about Xena, his Padawan, who was in his care. The unceasing desire to brag about how wonderful and unique this lovely and priceless creature was! And then his heart would tighten and stutter as he realized he was never a part of that creation. He was never a part of Xena's life. He never taught her how to walk or run. How to prepare a cup of tea, for example, or how to interact with the Force. He never taught her how to drive or how to repair a damaged tool. He wasn't, and he simply-

Obi-Wan gave up, scolding himself yet again. He had no right to involve himself in such a personal way with Xena. He was not the father; he couldn't be. (Well, technically, there was that time when-) He was never important to Xena in that way. And he needed to crush those imaginations and daydreams before they started plaguing the people around him.

But, good Force, it drove Obi-Wan to near tears! Sometimes, Obi-Wan just wants to slot Xena against his side and strike at anything that resembles a threat away from her. Sometimes Obi-Wan wished so hard that he could just erase all the awful things that had happened to Xena to free her from any monsters, bad memories, burdens, and fears.

His attachment was growing. And that felt risky. Obi-Wan knew in the depths of his spirit that he would never be the perfect Jedi. He was very sure his Master was aware of this as well. Obi-Wan was an emotional being with an overflowing heart. That was why, in addition to his combat skills, he honed his skills in slotting sharp and crafty words. It would block the rest of the world from overhearing his heart's pleas and keep him at bay. Not giving in, not letting go.

And it had worked until recently. It had worked all the way until Satine had a daughter, his beloved Padawan, and they were in danger. And Obi-Wan had no shields left when the two women he cared about most were about to fall through death's door.

And the confessions Satine had made in those prison cells did not make anything less bearable. There were a lot of words, all too confusing for Obi-Wan to have made sense of it all. Only after Maul's heinous diatribe did Obi-Wan realize Satine was telling him about Xena travelling through time. That Xena was from the future and understood what was about to happen and how she could help avert it.