The Young Republic | A Star Wars Story

Chapter 27

The Hanging Clouds Thundering Close

"For everything you gain, you lose something else."

Obi-Wan likes to think he is a rather level-headed individual.

Or used to be, at least.

As a padawan, Obi-Wan used to be quite vigorous, with bouts of excitement and unnatural interest in everything. It was quite an embarrassing time to remember, and he will always blush at the memories. It was bad - like, really. Normally, Padawans are chosen by their Master at any age in the Temple once they have gone through their trials. And Obi-Wan had... struggled a bit with his trials. It did not go as smoothly nor as easily as the other younglings.

And no Master had chosen him after the trials.

But still, as a boy, Obi-Wan rarely let any trial dim his spirit. He used to think to himself that everything would work as it should. Level-headed, he knew it would all work out.

Obi-Wan thinks that that level-headed surface started to crack close to turning thirteen. Not every Padawan is given the gift of a Jedi Master; there are too few Masters and too many Padawans. It was a reality of fear all Padawans had faced. And there was an unwritten rule that once a Padawan starts adolescence, they are not meant for a Master. The absence of a Master at the start of their path to adulthood proves that they themselves will not be a Master at the end. Then, if that path is not meant for them, the Younglings are sorted into the many other - very boring - divisions of the Jedi, like archives, healing, exploration, or public service.

And Obi-Wan had started to fear that was the path for him.

He remembers vividly how much he adored Master Qui-Gon long before he was Obi-Wan's Master. When Obi-Wan turned thirteen, he had marched right up to Qui-Gon, shaking with trepidation and fright, almost demanding the man take him on as his Padawan.

Qui-Gon refused, of course, sending Obi-Wan hurtling to his room in a fit of tears. The next day, when Obi-Wan avoided an annoyed caretaker, he went to Qui-Gon again, asking to be his Padawan again. He was rejected again. And for several days, Obi-Wan persisted, level-headed. If he keeps pushing, eventually, something will budge. He asked and was denied. He took Qui-Gon on in a duel to prove he was a good fighter. Did everything to try and become a Padawan.

By the Force's mercy or Qui-Gon's weariness, Obi-Wan was taken on as a Padawan.

It was not what he was expecting.

Qui-Gon was... different from what Obi-Wan imagined he would be as a Master. Certainly, he was great, and Obi-Wan still adored and admired the man until his tragic death.

But Obi-Wan will always remember the quiet distance Qui-Gon placed between himself and everything else. A sort of disconnection from the Jedi Temple. It was maybe because Qui-Gon himself was the Padawan of Dooku - and everyone in the Temple during Obi-Wan's youth had already known of Dooku's detachment, the way he so publicly disagreed with the Jedi Council.

Sometimes, Obi-Wan got the idea that Qui-Gon didn't stray too far from Dooku's ideology - though not too far to make the Council raise eyebrows.

Obi-Wan thinks that was why Qui-Gon kept rejecting him as a Padawan and why he was so... absent in Obi-Wan's teaching and training. Where the other Padawans went to their Jedi Trails to become knights, Obi-Wan was still learning to master the basics in Ataru. When other Padawans talked so eagerly about their adventures with their Masters - what they'd been taught and how much richer their lives had become, Obi-Wan could only recall the times his Master had literally forgotten him on a planet during missions.