Deeper Healing

13| Enormously Complex

Nikolai Coleman

If there was any major lesson I got from observing things and people in my life, then it was how enormously complex relationships and feelings could be.

Nothing was fixed and permanent. People constantly changed, growing towards both ends of the spectrum and I found myself stuck with a heartache, wishing for something more permanent and long-lasting.

That longing only grew deeper as I stared blankly at Isla Edwards, my only female best friend for the past four years. She sat in a cushioned chair opposite me with my desk the only thing separating us, her elbows leaning flat against the desk and hands held together.

There was no denying that things weren't the way they used to be between us anymore. We used to share deep stuff comfortably and be there for each other in deeply comforting ways, but now, I could barely see through her eyes what was going on in her mind.

I didn't know who had changed the most between us, but either way, I knew I was losing my best friend and it sucked knowing I was failing at doing anything about it.

The fact that she was here in my office late in the evening had to mean that at least she was putting in the effort to reclaim what we had, but a nudging thought couldn't flee my mind. She had spent the entire afternoon with Alex, listening to his side of the story and doing heaven knows what else.

I didn't blame either of them. They were best friends too and it wasn't Isla's fault I hadn't reached out first. I just felt like what she had with Alex was stronger than what we had.

"Whatever you're thinking of right now, Niko, is utter bullshit. You're overthinking and I'm here to save you from yourself," Isla spoke up after what felt like an eternity.

I sighed, leaning back in my chair as I crossed my left leg over my right knee. "I'm not overthinking bullshit. Only facts, Isla."

She sat up straight folding her arms gently. "Alex is your brother and I'm sure you know that if he said anything hurtful, he didn't mean it," she defended softly.

I didn't want to yell or raise my voice in the slightest bit but having someone to talk to about this issue had my emotions all over the place and I wasn't sure I could keep my cool for long.

"I feel like I didn't deserve that anger because honestly, none of this is my fault. How many things have I lost to him but just accepted defeat and worked towards achieving my goals using a different approach?"

"Many, Nikolai. Many things," she agreed passionately, "but this is slightly different, don't you think? We both know that was a passion project of his since it was proposed. His reaction seems pretty normal to me given the circumstances."

I stood up abruptly, pacing away from my desk, my hand raking through my hair. I looked out the wall window, exhaling exasperatedly. The view of the city lights under a beautiful night sky was magical, but the frustration inhibiting every sense in my body stole away the charm.

Calm down, Nikolai.

I looked back at Isla who sat back comfortably in her chair, arms folded and one leg on top of the other. She looked chilled as fuck, her eyebrows up. She knew I'd never hurt her no matter what mood I was in.

"Isla, so are you saying that I should have turned down the offer or what, because clearly, you're taking his side," I reasoned, looking directly at her.

She shook her head, disagreeing with my claim. "I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just being rational here and giving my opinion which seems to be infuriating you, Nikolai. Sit down. I'll pour you a drink, okay?"