Deeper Healing

62| The Man I Love

Leilani Edwards

"How did you find him?" I asked Blake, my eyes focused on Bryce's lifeless body, lying on a stretcher on life support.

I once loved this man with all my heart—or maybe I simply told myself I did and believed it.

Once upon a time, he was everything I needed to be happy and everything that made adrenaline pump wildly into my veins.

That was until he became my worst nightmare, ripped my heart out of my chest and villainised me in the process.

My story with Bryce Pierson—or whatever his real name was—had been a freaking rollercoaster ride, but right now, seeing him in the state he was in gave me a flood of emotions I couldn't exactly decipher.

It was funny—painful even—how so much could change in a matter of a few weeks, how the life in someone's eyes could fade away so profoundly and leave a void cold and terrifying.

He used to be of strong build with a ripped body I think I fell for the day I first met him, but now, all that had withered away. I could have never imagined ever reaching a point of calling him skinny, but right now, I didn't know if skinny was even the right word to describe his appearance.

"I didn't," Blake responded, his eyes moving back towards me. "Antonio did, but he told me not to tell you."

Antonio.

Our relationship had always been complex, the side he was on thickly blurry. He'd never really wronged me in any way or treated me harshly like his mother had.

At some point, I was invisible to him but when he did acknowledge me, he constantly spoke in riddles. Perhaps I just grew tired of the constant back and forth and decided to stop trying to get close to him or relying on him for information.

"He's a good kid, Antonio, I mean," Blake told me confidently, "and I believe he has suppressed his sibling love for you for reasons best known to him. I hope you don't have any hard feelings towards him at least."

I sighed deeply, shaking my head. "I have neither the energy nor time to be hating on someone like him. We just ran out of time to make our relationship better and I guess that's acceptable as long as we have something."

Blake fully turned to me, his attention making me look at him as well. "You make it sound as though you're leaving, Leilani. Do you plan on leaving any time soon?"

"I honestly don't know either," I responded sincerely. "There's so much going on and the future is unpredictable."

I'd constantly told myself I would never leave. I'd vowed to always fight for myself until I'd proven to my enemies that I was capable of surviving the fight.

Recently, my perspective had gradually begun changing. What was the point if that fight would go on for as long as we were in the same territory?

Maybe it was time to be selfish enough to choose myself and give myself the peace and normal life that I deserved.

"But let's say I do choose to leave," I said, following Blake's eyes. "That wouldn't be a problem, would it?"

He'd informed me of his intentions to make up for the time lost in our relationship and form a meaningful connection with me.

His plans sounded sincere and I could tell he was trying his best to be a father figure in my life, but leaving would stop all that progress.

"I'd have failed you if leaving turns out to be your best option."

I softly hummed, trying to understand his perspective. "But what if it makes me happier and I promise we stay in touch no matter how far apart we are?"

Blake slightly cocked his brow. "You haven't made the plans already, have you, Lani? I don't know if I'm interpreting your words wrong, but is this a farewell of some sort?"