Deeper Healing

61| She's Jealous

Leilani Edwards

"I could smell your coffee from upstairs," a familiar voice startled me.

I turned away from the coffee I'd been making towards the sound of the voice only to figure out it was Alex in Nikolai's pyjamas.

After an entire night of talking and whatever else they'd been doing together, did this mean they'd reached some level of mutual understanding?

"Good morning to you too, Alex," I said, releasing a deep breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

Compared to the state he'd walked into the penthouse in, he looked so much better—closer to his usual cocky self even but I could never go wrong with expressions in the eyes.

He was sad and hurting. He looked exhausted.

Alex kept his eyes lazily on me as he dragged a chair from the island set and sat down. "How long have you been living here?"

I gave him a brief smile before picking up a cup of freshly made tea. I'd intended on going up to his room to give it to him before leaving for work, but he'd made the work much easier.

"Long enough to know you prefer tea over coffee in the morning," I responded, placing the cup in front of him.

I could see all the cockiness melt away and a smile nearly touch his lips before he looked away from me, holding up the cup to his lips for a sip instead.

I smiled, walking over to the opposite side of the kitchen island for mutual comfort. I picked up my cup of coffee to finish it, hoping he'd be the one to initiate a conversation.

"Niko told you that?" he asked me after brief silence, still holding his cup.

I nodded. "He did. He adores you and speaks of you and your sister often."

I wasn't lying. Talking of his siblings and parents brought him joy and peace. I always loved listening to his stories of them and the bittersweet memories they shared. 

In a way, that gave me an insight into what my life would have probably been like had I grown up with a normal family like everyone else.

Alex dryly chuckled. "There's no need to speak so softly and fondly to me. I'm still Alex and you're still Leilani just with some bullshit sappy drama and unintentional pathetic appeal."

His statement made me chuckle. He wanted to act all tough and composed, but I wished he knew he didn't have to. I understood all that complexity of feelings perfectly well and how perhaps embarrassing it felt to show a weaker side within.

Sometimes, it wasn't all that bad to break down altogether and just—let go. It was part of the process of healing and moving on.

Just quietly observing him and trying to act like he wanted me to resurfaced the feelings I'd felt curled up alone in bed the previous night.

Of course, I was overthinking many things and playing the usual self-blame game, but this time, I did feel like I played a part in his heartbreak.

"I'm sorry, Alex," I found myself saying as softly and sincerely as I could.

He slightly furrowed his brows. "You're beginning to sound like Nikolai."

"No, for real. I'm sorry," I said, this time looking at him.

He placed his half-full cup on the island and leaned his elbows against its surface, drawing closer to me attentively. "Why are you sorry?"

"About Isla," I softly sighed. "I can't help but feel like if it hadn't been for me getting close to Nikolai or anyone close to Isla, you wouldn't be in this situation right now and your friendship would be just as strong as it was before I came in the picture."