Deeper Healing

11| Guilt

Leilani Edwards

There is no feeling as exhilarating and euphoric as that of your hard work paying off and getting credited and appreciated for your tremendous efforts.

That was exactly the feeling I felt at this exact moment with a boardroom full of my respectable superiors erupting into applause after my presentation.

For the first time since I joined this company nearly a year ago, I got a solo pitch to present an analysis of financial data and the performance of the company in front of the company's executives and I felt like I had given it my best shot.

It wasn't something easy to pull off flawlessly, given I wasn't exactly mentally fit at the moment after the aggravating events of the weekend.

A part of me still felt vulnerable and insecure so much that I had ditched my apartment the previous night for a hotel with better security. I felt better protected there than in an apartment which my perpetrator was familiar with and could barge in anytime and finish what he had attempted to do earlier.

I got a few hours of sleep due to anxiety. I used it as an opportunity to polish up my presentation with thorough research and as a way of distracting myself from the nudging feeling of emptiness and loneliness boring through me. The overall result was worth it.

With a smile plastered on my face, I packed away my files and laptop and took my seat as the Chair gave the concluding remarks of the meeting.

Thereafter, the boardroom eventually started emptying. I slung my laptop bag onto my shoulder, gathered my files in my hands and left, taking a deep sigh of relief.

Collin, a male colleague joined me down the hallway. We had been hired at the same time and worked on various projects together since we were in the same department. Although he was older than me by a couple of years, we got along pretty well and working with him was fairly easy.

"You are really good at doing what you do," Collin remarked, adjusting his spectacles. "I wish I could be as confident as you are when presenting."

I chuckled. "Trust me, it wasn't as easy as it looked, but thanks, Collin."

Collin was more of an introvert who thrived in solitude and barely felt comfortable socialising in a crowd. He was still a very intelligent and efficient man at his job. That was the top priority.

"Anytime," he replied casually as we approached the door to his office.

I gave Collin a polite smile as a way of saying goodbye before proceeding further down the hallway but stopped when I felt like he still stood there watching me.

I turned around swiftly, raising my eyebrow quizzically. Collin gave me a rather shy smile, his eyes darting around everything but me when I looked at him. "The outfit is a ten, by the way," he murmured before awkwardly hurrying into the office.

I sighed softly with a small smile, continuing my trip to my office. Indeed, I felt confident and presentable in my Bordeaux slim-fit three-piece pantsuit paired with matching heels of the same colour. For a change, my hair was straight and sleek, tumbling down my back and it gave me a neat outlook in a way I liked.

I reached the corner office at the far end of the hallway that I shared with two other co-workers. It wasn't surprising how neither of them was in since it was tea break time and they usually went out.

The office was spacious enough and conducive to work in with good natural lighting aided by the stainless window walls. I put my laptop bag and files on my desk before proceeding to make myself a cup of coffee.