Deeper Healing

19| Smart Move

Leilani Edwards

I gently knocked on the door to Nikolai's study, peering through the slightly opened door to check if he had heard me.

As I'd expected, he was sitting in his chair behind his work desk with a laptop opened before him and multiple papers and files lying on his desk. He had a pen in hand, probably writing something down in his notepad before the knocking sound made him snap his eyes to me with raised eyebrows.

I pushed the door further open and when I stepped in, his lips stretched into a small smile that was radiant enough to make my lips widen a little.

"Mint chocolate chip smoothie bowl for your break," I voiced lively, approaching him with the bowl on a tray I held.

His face brightened even more and the unwavering focus on his face melted away as he dropped his pen and leaned back in his leather chair. "Let me guess," he began in a deep whiskey-soaked voice, "you finally tried out one of the recipes on your Pinterest boards."

"Correct," I laughed lightly, nodding. "And I think it came out really well," I replied, reaching his side of the desk. He sat up straight, receiving the bowl from me as I leaned my butt against his desk facing him. "Have a taste and tell me what you think."

I'd only lived with Nikolai for a week, but I felt like I already knew everything I had to about him from his likes and dislikes to his habits. Mint chocolate chip was his favourite flavour in ice cream and I felt like I could get a little bit creative and tickle his taste buds. He had to love it because the amount of love and effort I'd put into this was top-tier.

I watched Nikolai with curious eyes as he picked up the spoon and took a scoop from the bowl before drawing the spoon to his lips for a taste. He opened up and the spoon disappeared inside his mouth as he closed it and seconds later, drew out an empty spoon. As he savoured the taste, he closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, casually swinging it from side to side.

I carefully watched as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down before he produced a sound that surprised me, wreaking havoc at the pit of my stomach.

It wasn't exactly a moan or a grunt, but something deep and guttural, agonisingly stimulating and filthy fantasy infusing. The way it reverberated in my ears resembled unmatched satisfaction and a deep euphoric feeling of fulfilment.

I softly swallowed, quenching the dryness that'd seized my throat. Even now, I couldn't understand why exactly he hadn't had sex in four years or formed a bond that intimate with a woman when every muscle movement he made oozed a bedazzling amount of testosterone dominant enough to erupt tingles of sensation between my legs.

He had everything he could powerfully use to bring a woman down on her knees and willingly let him use her to meet his carnal desires, but he seemed not to be the type to waver.

Heck, he'd had me perfectly close enough to him to take everything he wanted that I'd willingly give if he wanted to, but he hadn't suggested anything sexual or overly friendly, a hard blow to my female ego.

Honestly, I'd thought he'd wanted to fuck me, that being the reason why he'd pushed himself to accept me for who I was and more buried secrets he'd eventually find out, but I was beginning to believe I'd read the signs wrong. He was just living proof that humanity still existed and that not everything had to be sexual.

Of course, the universe had a weird way of doing things, something that contributed to all the bitterness and unhandled rage I had pent up inside me. The one man I felt like I really wanted seemed to be out of my reach and a gazillion other men who made my hormones seem non-existent flocked after me