Abditory

𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓓𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓻 𝓜𝓪𝓷

I ended up on the beach. 

On the way over I had found a jug of that whiskey stuff Keir had always been drinking.  

I chugged it down.

The sunset was a mix of dark purple and magenta swirling through the sky.

I took heavy breaths through each sob.

My chest rattled. It felt like I was back in the sea, gasping for breath.

I vomited.

It made me physically ill to finally realized that no one truly wanted me.

No one cared for me.

All I had left was Keir and even he had made it clear to me that I didn't matter to him. He only mattered to himself.

Though he was a piece of fucking scum, Ambrose was sort've right.

I don't truly matter to anyone.

I think I knew that from the start, which is I was so desperate to make it work here.

But I didn't think I was so transparent, so pathetic that even the cruellest of people could see right through me.

And the way he looked at me, with fucking pity.

It shouldn't matter to me. But it made my chest feel tight.

I stood up from the sand.

The sun had almost fully disappeared.

I stripped myself off my clothes, I felt like they were suffocating me.

I forced my legs to walk towards the sea. The small torch lights lit the path enough for me to know where I was going.

The water was cool against my bare feet.

I forced myself to walk in farther until I was fully submerged at the hip, far away from the surface. 

I could hear distant calls from the beach but I choose to ignore them. 

I dove under. 

The water felt great against my hot skin. 

I swam through the inky darkness confidently, barely coming up for air. Only when I really needed it. 

I kicked and kicked until my limbs hurt too much to go further.

The water was freezing cold this far away from the surface. 

The torch lights were nothing but flickers in the distance.

My head began to pound. 

I was a snivelling mess. 

I floated around in the water until my body became numb. 

Only then did I start kicking my way back to shore. 

Halfway there I grew very tired. 

My eyelids grew heavy, though I didn't mind. 

It was almost blissful. 

I stopped. The shore only a few ft ahead. 

I decided to float again. My body felt too weak to keep swimming. 

I looked up at the nice sky with fluttered heavy eyes. 

I could make out a few constellations. They were stunning. 

Before I closed my eyes entirely, a shooting star whipped through the sky. I smiled softly.

 I began to slowly fall unconscious.