Dead Fighter

53. Better Days??

4-16-23

We seen Lexi today! She's so wittle! I'm having girl issues...so I don't know if it will be a good week for anything even writing. I still haven't went to sleep since I woke up last night and it's going on 5:31 P.M. I don't know if the storm is fucing with my phone or if I had been gone all day to different county with bad data and service areas that now at home it isn't working right. It's really pissing me the fuck off!

4-17-23

Still being shitty but I'm pretty sure the storm is the issue because it's chilly and not really sunny. I think sometime while I was asleep I lost wifi on my TV or something. I don't feel good at all.

4-18-23

I won't be on much, I'm not feeling very good and I have a lot on my mind so please be patient <3 love y'all :)

4-19-23

I fell asleep in bed with mama last night. Harper was home when we woke up, he been ignoring me so he may be mad at me for falling asleep in bed with her but I didn't mean to and it was only an hour and 34 minutes so boo who! Last night the internet went out then came back, an outage in the area. I feel like complete shit, I honestly don't fucking feel good at all! Today is Rowan's 25th birthday! Happy birthday to him!! Me and him are cool now, he's actually our buddy and help.

4-20-23

I fucking hate my life! Mama made me leave her bedroom cause her and Harper are going to fight because he's a piece of shit! Bre's neighbor and parents pissed her off and me and the kids have to deal with trying to show her love. We don't mind showing her the love but sometimes her whole personality changes like the tone of her voice we get. I don't know maybe we was crazy. My fucking mouth is killing me! I'm going to be honest with y'all, I'm pretty sure I live in an abusive home again. I noticed I haven't told y'all stories/flashbacks lately but I just ain't had energy. These people are draining me EVERY FUCKING DAY! It's like dealing with my disowned family members all over everyday! *rolls eyes* My tooth is hurting still but I can't do much more, it has to be all the pressure from me being sick in it plus I'm pretty sure I need tubes in my ears again. My leg up to my hip and thigh is hurting me. Mama tried being nice to Harper but apparently he'll "deal with it" when he gets home, all he does is bitch, whine, and cry about every little thing. You know how sexist guys say, "girls do nothing but whine and bitch about everything" well he's worse than that, he must be a girl apparently! Hope I didn't offend anyone, I just needed to complain about how worthless he is. Leslie has to go see someone today. I don't know what the fuck is gonna go on today but I don't think it will be good. I honestly couldn't get lucky to actually have a good one anyways!!! You ever still have flashbacks or dreams about someone that you're buddies with when they wasn't good to you? Yeah, me too! So does the guys and kiddos! DAMN SNAPCHAT IS ADDING A STUPID AI BOT! You can't get rid of it unless you are an Snapchat plus subscriber! My son says it stays at the top like it's already pinned to your chats so he made a second snapchat account but he probably won't even use it, I don't know though. He is scared and I'm scared because people are saying it's not good and they show prove where it knows your location WITHOUT it being on. It apparently told a child that it was OKAY to END their life! Now I'm having a panic attack badly! Mama is asleep, Mercer is busy and I don't know where my brother is so I have no one to call. I don't think Bre has internet because my messages isn't going through on Messenger! I guess I'm going to write on my story or read because I'm going to lose my god damn mind if I don't distract myself! Harper pisses me off so fucking bad! Snapchat is pissing me off not notifying me when I get a message like usual! I just don't fucking know what else to do! I don't know if it's this shitty area or if it's the phone, I don't fucking know anymore!

4-21-23

My head is killing me! I think my anxiety is about to get to me again. My phone is still being a piece of shit. The AI bot is hidden now so maybe they will delete it because they're has been threats from parents and people about it. I'm going to shower later and hopefully I'll feel better but I doubt it! Mama went to work with Harper so I'm alone in her bed. I miss mama so much! I have separation anxiety I guess...I took my medicine, ate food, and showered within an hour. The stormy weather is messing up everything so I may not be on for awhile or the rest of the day.

4-22-23

I don't feel good, my anxiety is killing me. My phone is fucking acting up! It says it's 42° here where I live so I guess maybe the cold is messing with it and how my apps works but you know it's been acting up since we came back from my sister's the other day so I figured running on data and the new county environment done that but at the same time it raises me concerns. I'm worried to death. Maybe my anxiety is making me believe it's more than the weather or internet but my TV earlier rebooted itself and I had to restart my phone because my Snapchat messages wasn't sending notifications or loading through and that bothers me but ever since I moved down here, my phones hasn't wanted to work at all and I did lose one of my phones but I believe that was the whole straight talk going Verizon bullshit...most likely but I don't know because it happened when the snowy weather and it just don't fucking work anymore. Am I overthinking all this again? I really need help and convincing that it's simplest something causing this much of an issue.