Universe (VegasPete) R18

Chapter 48 - Fifteen hundred degrees (+18)

-Vegas-

For one reason I never realized how lucky I was. For one reason I never thought that all Pete gave me was real. This reason, I never had the strength to tell him:

I don't understand love.

I don't understand how I fell so hard. I don't understand how in a few months I could so deeply, so violently give my whole self to someone.

It was brutal, so brutal it broke the remains of my already shattered soul.

For everything Pete share with me, for everything Pete gave to me, for all those nights I hold on to him, I still believe deep down my heart that I don't deserve any of what he gave me.

And I stood still in regrets. For all the wrong I've done to him. For all that I am.

I'm unclean. I'm nothing.

And every times he stand before me, every time I see his healing smile, every time his hazel colored eyes pierce my soul, I seemed to lose the power of speech. The power of think. The power of breath.

He swept away everything. Everything I have ever believed in. Every lies that were consuming me. Every bleeding wounds that my father made. Every of my fucking delusions.

Every inch of my body belongs to him. Every darkest corner of my soul belongs to him. Every of my breath I give to him.

I buried myself into this tiny hole inside his heart. I am nothing more than a little boy crying out for fucking attention.

And Pete found this young boy who just wanted to be held tight. I buried my heart where I grew up and yet he was the only one able to bring it back to me.

Not everyone has the chance to be loved. And when the only thing you knew was violence, what can I do to accept when someone is giving me so much more?

It's killing me but I'll take the blame. I'll take the bullet. I'll sacrificed everything. I'll sacrificed myself.

Because without Pete, I'm nothing.

Pete is mine. He belongs to me. No one can't ever touch him. In any way.

I'm the only one who can touch his skin. I'm the inly one to know how to treasure his golden heart, to worship his body and soul.

Pete is far too sacred.

I know it's fucked up. I know my mind hold those figures from the past that come to haunt me every times there's too much for me to bear. I don't know how to express myself beyond violence and pain

And during those six months, relentlessly, every night I fell asleep with the picture of Pete being touched by another man. Kiss by another man.

Another man wanted him...And I don't know if Pete wanted him. If he wanted another man than me.

It's been a while since I've came to fuck things up like I always do. And today was the day I couldn't hold myself back. Because I don't understand those mixed feelings.

Love and pain.

Now I know both.

-Pete-

I knew that Vegas would come earlier today. He sent me a message to tell me. And I knew why.

Yesterday he made himself perfectly clear: he doesn't trust me being alone with another man. And I can understand why. Still, it was breaking my heart.

I spent the morning with Lek and Macau. They came to see me for the first time since I woke up. It was nice to finally be able to talk to them about all that I missed during those six months. And who else other than Lek could update me.