Tired

35: Drunk Words

It felt wrong. Having to drink in order to explain his emotion, to explain what he was feeling. Was that the only way for him to express himself? If he was drunk? It would be a sick thought. He felt guilty having to ask Bakugo for alcohol. He knew the blonde felt bad but if he wanted the truth he can't do it sober. He saw the hurt in his eyes. It stung in in Todoroki's chest.

Bakugo walked back in, changed out of his uniform and a bag in his hand. He didn't meet his gaze. Todoroki immediately felt bad. The blonde placed the drinks on the nightstand, saying nothing. The silent was deafening.

"Sorry." Todoroki whispered. He didn't know why he said it, oh wait. He did know. It was because he didn't like how the blonde looked when he went to go get it. He seemed so sad.

"Tis fine." Bakugo finally looked at the boy. He could see the eye bags that lingered underneath Todoroki's eyes. Todoroki looked at the bag. He wanted to get it but he didn't. He felt guilty? Bakugo had brought it but he looked so sad doing it. He didn't want to drink it but a part of him did.

Bakugo stood up and rummaged through the bag. He noticed how the boy wasn't getting up. He thought it was because he was too cold to move. He grabbed a beer and tossed in to the boy who caught it. This was the left over drinks from Valentines. He hasn't finished them and he wanted to drink with Todoroki. So he grabbed one for himself.

Todoroki mumbled a thank you and opened the bottle. Bakugo sat down next to him. They didn't say anything to each other for a while. Todoroki didn't feel any better. He was already freezing and drinking a cold beer. He was definitely not going to get any better soon. Recovery Girl had given him a medicine to ease the coldness and told him to rest for a few days. That was the last thing Todoroki wanted. He didn't want to take a few days off. But it's better than his classmates asking him what's wrong. She told him that the side affects were if he wasn't bundled up and warm then the pain would be worst. She warned him if he couldn't feel his fingers or toes to go see her immediately. They were turning into a dark shade of blue which concerned them.

"So why didn't you want to miss school?" Bakugo asked. His voice soft and gentle. He probably waited till Todoroki had a small buzz. Which he did. They both were sitting against the wall and stared everywhere else but each other. It made Bakugo sad that alcohol was the only way for Todoroki to express and talk about his feeling. It wasn't healthy. He hates when the boy does it. He doesn't like how he shuts everyone out until he can figure out what's wrong him.

"Because.." Todoroki mentally gagged. He hated openly talking about his feelings. It was gross saying them out loud. It was gross period. It didn't sound right to speak them. It was better to be kept in his head. He finished his beer and placed it on the nightstand. His hands covered in warmth of the gloves.
"I didn't want to go to school because I don't want to waste any sick days in my dorm alone when I could spend these last few weeks with my classmates." Todoroki muttered, slurring in the beginning. He gave more than he intended too. It was the alcohol. It gave him that freedom to easily express him. Bakugo's rose eyes widen slightly. He turned to look at the boy but his head was on his knees and his arms wrapped around his legs. Blankets covering him and yet he still felt cold.

"Why do you wanna spend time with them if you don't talk to them?" Bakugo pressed. This was a lot. He doesn't think Todoroki ever openly talks about his feelings. Maybe the alcohol is good for him. No. No it's not. That was a terrible thing to think of. Bakugo mentally scolded himself. Todoroki reached over and grabbed another beer. He opened it and drank about half of it before speaking.

"Because I'm not ready for them to leave. I made the mistake of getting attached to them and now I have to deal with the feeling of being alone once they left. Some of them are going to different continents and I only have a few weeks left to be with them. I don't want to get too close with them in these last few weeks because it will only make my attachment grow and the pain will grow along." Todoroki whispered the ending. He wanted to cry. Damn, this was a mistake to drink while telling Bakugo what's been on his mind for months. He can get drunk so easily and he always forgets how easily he can break. No. He can't cry in front of Bakugo. That was the last thing he needed.

Bakugo's face was shocked yet it soften. This is why he's been isolating himself this year. He doesn't want to deal with the pain of them leaving. The blonde frowned. Todoroki didn't move. If he look up into Bakugo's crimson eyes then he actually might cry. He tighten the grip around himself. Bakugo didn't know what to say. All he did was scoot closer to the boy and wrapped his arm around him. Todoroki felt the warmth from him. He yearned for it. It was so cold. He nuzzled more into the hug and curled up, wrapping the blanket around them both. This was nice.

"I know, it's going to be hard for you to deal with the extras being gone. But I'll still be here and I'll help you get through it. I'll make sure you can still be happy even without them. But that doesn't mean you should isolate yourself and not hang out with them, you'll regret it in the future. Plus you can always call or text them to check up on them. Remember we'll be living with each other for a while so I'll be there for you." Bakugo smiled softly and laid his head on the boy. Todoroki felt himself tear up. He can't cry. He can't let the tears fall. He can't..
It turns out that Todoroki is really vulnerable when he's exposed to alcohol. A few tears slipped but he quickly wiped them away before the blonde could see. They sat down for a while. Todoroki embraced the warmth and heat coming off the blonde. They didn't say anything else after that.

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Words 1129