honey || minsung

30

⚠️TW/ mentions abuse, rape, and suicidal thoughts and actions⚠️

"mom what are you doing here?" jisung furrowed his brows as he opened his apartment door. he was trying to enjoy his dinner with his boyfriend when his mother knocked on the door.

"hi hun." she smiled, letting herself into his apartment.

"why are you here?" jisung rolled his eyes as she walked in.

"i came to see my son, is that so wrong?" she dryly chuckled.

"are you drunk?" jisung questioned.

"no, i'm not." sooyeon rolled her eyes. "i haven't seen you since you left. how are you?"

"what are you playing at here?" jisung asked.

"me? i'm not doing anything." she shook her head, holding her hands up.

"so why are you here? i left for a reason." jisung rolled his eyes.

"you wanna know why your fathers helping you?" she questioned, staring at jisung as she walked around. "to protect himself. to protect his image."

"mom what are you talking about?" jisung groaned.

"he feels that he's losing control of you. so now he'd do anything to keep you quiet. we all know what happens to the company if you open your mouth. he doesn't love you nor does he care about you. he cares about your silence." sooyeon spoke in a way that was so degrading, so harsh, tearing jisung down with every word.

"mom.." jisung let out a shaky sigh.

"i hate you. and i hate that i do, but you just look so much like him. if you didn't resemble your father so much, maybe i could love you. and i'm sorry i couldn't be a mom for you. don't worry though, your father will always be there for you now that you've tried to leave. he's good at that, controlling people." now she began crying.

"mom..." jisung had never seen his mother like this. "why? what is the point in telling me this?"

"because maybe if i tell you this it will be easier for me to just kill myself." she met his eyes.

"mom no, what are you talking about?" jisung asked, rushing to his mothers side.

"get away from me. i hate you and i hate duri!" she sobbed.

"what did he do?" jisung whispered.

"i can't handle any more abuse. i can't handle being raped any longer. i can't do it. i can't bare to live any longer. i hate you, my own son, because i never wanted you. tell me how awful i am. scream at me, push me back." she sobbed. "because at the end of the night, i'm just going to kill myself anyways."

"i hate that i pity you." jisung shook his head. "even in a time where you're about to kill yourself, how could you say that to me. why would you tell me that? so you can end it all and i'm stuck with this forever? you just completely changed the way i see myself and dad." tears slipped past his eyes.

"i hate you because you resemble the man who made me hate myself. who broke me down and forced me to bare a child i did not want. who to this day rapes me. so tell me, so i can have the guts, to just end it all." she spoke shakily.

"i can't decide if you deserve to die or if you deserve to live with this forever." jisung spoke through his tears.

"ji.." minho gently called out.

"no. not right now min." jisung shook his head. "you know mom, i tried to hate you. i really did. and i hate that i can't bring myself to."

"i hope i can love you in my next life." sooyeon whispered.

"you don't hate me. you couldn't hate your son." jisung shook his head, clinging to his mothers arm.

"your dna is half of my rapists." she responded.

"you raised me. what happened to the mother that loved me. a piece of me died the day you became lost to the alcohol." jisung spoke with such desperation that his mother broke.

"i'm sorry." she sobbed, pulling him into a hug. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry for doing this. i hope you can forgive me and i hope you're my son again in my next life."

"mom you're not going anywhere." jisung cried out.

"i have to." she cried. "i have to."

"no, you don't. i used to think the same thing. i attempted plenty of times. you don't mom. there are other solutions." jisung cried.

"maybe there were for you, but there's nothing left for me." she shook her head.

"please go seek help. go to a psychiatric hospital, do something. please i'm begging." jisung plead.

"i love you jisung." she cried. "i hate you so much but i love you even more."

"so please don't kill yourself. please stay alive and seek help." jisung cried.

"i have been awful to you for years. i don't deserve it." sooyeon shook her head.

"and you have a second chance! as long as you're willing to put in the effort to get better." jisung held onto her.

"you know why i told you that stuff about your dad, right?" she asked.

"to make me feel bad?" jisung asked.

"so that you'd speak up. i wanted you to speak up, report him, get him locked away. because i don't have the courage to do it." she let out a shaky sigh.

"mom, stay here for tonight. have you eaten?" jisung asked.

"he won't let me." she shook her head.

"what?" jisung looked at her in disbelief.

"he won't let me eat. he says i need to lose weight." she shook her head again.

"let's get you some food. you're staying here tonight." jisung sighed.

a/n: thoughts on jisungs mom now?