Spades and Angels

A Question In Fire

Maddox

The moment Lo's dad leaves I help her to the door, keeping an arm around her where she treasures a box in her arms. The blanket I'd given her weeks ago around her shoulders. Her bag was on my shoulders with the rest of the stuff she wanted to save. It hadn't been a long list, just clothes and a few treasured items, though it was the box she was cradling like a kid that she wanted safe above all else.

"Sorry you had to hear that," Lo mumbles as we walk back to where I'd left my car by the Black Mamba in the middle part of town. I frown, not sure where she's going. Just afraid to hear the hoarse sound of her voice. The tears. How she shakes. "Sorry, you had to hear him be such a monster. He wasn't always like this, or so I'm told."

I sigh, knowing she's right but having to restrain myself from turning around and attacking her father as he did her. The words he used to demean and hurt her made me mad just to think about but I know anger's the wrong answer. She won't respond well to that. Instead, I try to keep a lid on it until I can vent it safely somewhere she won't hear. Keeping her close she almost trips and falls, her eyes widening in shock. Shock and pain.

"It's ok, we can't hold others accountable for our sins, just their own," I reply softly to her as the car comes into view and we manage to reach it. Making sure she was in and safe I put all her stuff in the backseat and moved to get in to drive, scanning to check no one had seen us. Luckily we seem to be in the clear so far but I don't want to push it. Now more than ever since Lo's in worse shape than when we left Maeve about two hours earlier. As I start the engine and pull out I spare Lo a look, seeing the tears in her eyes. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Just...hurt I guess," She sighs and shrugs, "I should be used to it, desensitised to it by now since it's been my whole life. Ever since I can remember I'd never been good enough for my dad but to hear what he'd do to me. Who he'd sell me to so I had a worth." She breaks down a little then, sobbing into her bloody hands with a helplessness I hate seeing since I don't know how to help her. "I should be used to it but every time...every time it still hurts as bad as the first."

"I'm sorry Lo," I sigh, "so fucking sorry that happened to you. No kid deserves to be told shit like that. Not like that," I take a breath, trying to calm the anger bubbling up inside. "Look you don't ever have to talk about that shit again, with me or anyone else. It's private to you and hard to hear. To remember. I get that, More than you think," Memories of my own spin through my head for a second until I get my head back in gear by tightening my hands on the wheel enough they hurt, just a little but enough to remind me to keep my head on straight. Keeping me and my anger in check. "You can let go of it, Lo. Put it in the past where it belongs and can't hurt you."

My voice softens when I say that and I know she hears it when her eyes meet mine, bloodshot and shining like silver stars. "You know more about this than you're saying, don't you?" She sounds sad yet inquisitive. The tone was haunted and strained. "Something happened to you too, maybe not recently but it did. I'm sorry. Whatever it was, whoever they were, they-it must have been important." She offers a consoling smile and I sigh, trying to do the same. "I'll be ok, I promise."

"If you say so," I mumble as I turn onto the highway toward Ayrith having texted Ari to ask if her mom could take another look at Lo but not saying why. She'd responded to say it would be possible and she hoped Lo was ok. "I just hope your dad wasn't serious about telling the rest of the Spades about us."

Now she rolls her eyes but the sadness, the shame is still here, "You ashamed of me now you know my roots huh?" She sighs, "Guess the whole ghetto chick acts only works well as a sympathy card until it gets too real. Too ugly." she sighs and tries to pull away but I don't let her, capturing a hand with one of mine. "Careful or you'll crash,"