Spades and Angels

Have You...

Lolita

TW: Mature 18+ Content 

My nerves come back as soon as Mads and I separate, the easy temptation act seeming to come out all too naturally in his presence in a way that distance makes it harder to maintain. Leaving me trembling from something other than the wind where he doesn't immediately follow me out.

Had I misread the situation on Wednesday? Was he no longer interested? Shit what if I-

My mental half tirade half admonishment to myself gets cut short when I hear the fire door open again. The heavy bang sounded louder given who it could be and what they could be after. Taking as deep a breath as possible I try to calm my racing heartbeat when that scent I seem to already know so well comes closer. The scent of something that's uniquely his and no one else's telling me who'd followed me.

"You ok?" Mad's voice over my shoulder startles me but not in a jumpy way. Rather igniting the odd electric current inside me from how close he'd come. "Lo? You ok or...." He stops when he must have reached my side since he seemed to wait, my body standing still with a kind of expectation for something I can't name but feel inside. The illusion of dancing close to an edge in my mind is so absurdly accurate I'd be tempted to laugh if not for knowing both what's on the other side of this ledge and how I'd fall over it. How we'd fall over it. What we'd have to do. "Lo?"

"Mhmm," I mumble the words and try to restrain myself from leaning toward him again, knowing logically that I was approaching the point of no return. Literally and figuratively. "Mhmmm," Annoyingly my hormone-addled brain can't find the words to say something. All my easy composure is stripped away now we're alone. For the most part at least. "Mhmmm, mmmm," Again I try for words but nothing comes out.

"You drunk?" My partner, oddly, sounds like he's tempted to laugh at me but I just shake my head, smiling wide and tipping my head back to watch the sky. Well, I would have watched the sky if not for my eyes slipping closed to avoid being captivated by his striking aquamarine ones. Trying to hold onto my already shaking self-control, the grey and aquamarine shards still show Wednesday's cracks and unstable foundations in my mind. "You sure you okay then,"

"Trying to find a reason to stop," I eventually mumble as his eyes focus on me, my body flushing with goosebumps. "Trying to find a reason to tell you to go. To not do this, cross this line." I risk opening an eye then and seeing the same expression I had a few days back. The heat, the longing. "Trying to find a reason to say no to myself when everything about me wants to say yes."

Mads just shoots me a half-puzzled look, "Even knowing the rules? What would happen? Even with the consequences of being seen together hmm?"

I just smile for a second, remembering how good Wednesday felt. Consequences be fucked and damned to hell, I think to myself but don't say that aloud. Just wait until he watches me again and then shrug in what I hope looks to be a carefree manner. "I think we're past the point of being able to say we care about consequences, Reyes. Given what's already happened. Don't you?" I turn a little then and tip my head back up to watch him out of the corner of my eye. Seeing how he shivers once. "See, told you so. Consequences don't matter, not here, not now."

"And later? When they do?"

"Fuck it and cross that bridge when we get to it," That time I don't manage to keep my mental commentary to myself, shivering again as the ache from our closeness strikes up and has me shivering again, holding myself taut to avoid collapsing under whatever foreign feeling was filling my limbs and turning them to stone. "Unless you suddenly care?" My words are a tad slurred then but he just smiles. That same crooked grin that's almost a smirk. The one branded into my memory from the dark room. "But not here, we'd be found."