Spades and Angels

A Safety Pin Kind of Conversation

Lolita

The next morning I'm confused. I remember the conversation with Mads. Going out. Drinking at the bar and the handsome stranger who brought me a drink...drinks. And then...well then it's just a big, black hole of nothingness. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Memory erased.

But when I wake up I'm wrapped in a thick, dark blanket on the bed I've called mine for a good few weeks. In the room Mads and I chose when he helped me to crossover from the Spades to the Angels. Lying on my side with the feeling that someone had been there with me before. Maybe even the same person who got me home.

Sighing I turn over to hear and feel the crinkle of rustling paper in the dip of the neighbouring pillows. My hand traced the indent left behind by whoever was with me last night. My fingers curling around the folded note I sit up gingerly, wincing when I register the splitting headache and hungover feeling.

Wrapping the blanket tighter around me it looks a lot like the one Mads gave me the night he saved me from freezing to death the night my stalker terrorized me until I lost my way and could have died. Out there alone. Until he saved me when I had no one else to turn to. Who understood. It even smelled the same. That woodsy scent I knew was his.

Inhaling a deep breath my shaky hand unfolds the paper, noticing his handwriting on it. A note.

Hey, I'm sure you're still asleep but figured I'd leave before you woke up. Especially since sober you seem mad at me, as you should be. I deserve it even if it hurts. Drunk you couldn't see the gap between us but I...I do. So I honoured what she - you - asked. I stayed and made sure you were ok.

But I also wanted to honour what you asked me sober and give you the space and time you say you need. So I left before you got up. There's food and water on the nightstand, your phone too in case you need it, and I hope you feel better.

I'm ready to talk when you are but I'll wait for you to ask. I love you Lo, and I hope you give me at least the chance to explain. Until then I'll respect your wishes and keep you safe.

M

He doesn't sign it with his whole name but I already know who and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside but also sad. Sad because it makes my pain harder because I know he feels the same way but I need a little more time.

Folding the note back up I keep it in one hand and pick up my phone with the other off the nightstand. I found it exactly where Mads said it was. Opening and scrolling through the recent calls there's one outgoing to Mads as recent as last night. I frown, some vaguely half-recalled memories coming back of Hannah finding me and calling me a ride home since I was too drunk to get home alone. That and it was too late given how I'd got there in the first place.

Getting out of bed slowly I take a long shower and change before thinking of leaving the room in search of some coffee. I blinked blearily as I made it to a kitchen area and saw the one person I'd been avoiding. "Hey," I mumble, seeing Mads turn to me with a wary half-smile.

"Hey to you too," His voice is as soft as mine, husky in a way that had my butterflies stir to life for a lap around my insides. "Are you feeling ok?" He gives me a concerned look then, taking half a step in my direction. "Lo?"

I laugh under my breath, "Ask me when I've had some caffeine and my brain functions semi-normally," I moan, sitting on the nearest stool by the kitchen island, head in my hands and fingers massaging my temples to attempt to ward off the fast impending headache.