Spades and Angels

A Devil's Night From Hell

Lolita

I struggle to keep my promise. The one I made to myself that I'd ask Mads to stay away that last week. We still talk like we thought of before but it's enough. Enough that between our little debates over music and movies. Food and other meaningless stuff. Though he checks in with me every day too. Just like he'd been doing since the night after homecoming. The concern causes warm and fuzzy feelings inside that my inner Spade knows are bad and need to be squashed. Should have nipped in the bud. Stopped before it took root and spread like it has now.

"You doing ok Lo?" I blink a few times when I hear Mads ask me a question through my earbuds when I zoned out. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah," I smile into the darkness, phone clutched in one hand. "Sorry mi amor, I think I must have zoned out for a second. Sorry to scare you." On the other end of the phone, Mads laughs once, the sound still making me shiver.

"Ah, it's ok. It's late. I get it, I can go if you want." He sighs and I make a mumbled protestation. "Lo?"

"It's ok, don't go. Please." I whisper the words, turning over to the side and curling up under my borrowed blanket. "I'm okay," Keeping an ear out the house had gone quiet hours ago, dad had gone the day after he arrived last week. "I'll sleep when I'm ready, you are talking to the person who can survive on four hours of sleep, work and do school."

"Multitasking to the limit," Mads sounds like he's laughing at me but I'm not angry. Just a little lonely that he's on the other end of the phone, and not here with me. "You doing okay, mi querida corazón," Now my friend sounds more worried than before, that concerned tone my heart's starting to love hearing underneath. "Lo?"

"Just wish you were here," I whisper, eyes closed as I hold onto his voice. "I know, I know it's not possible given everything, I just wish I could see you right now. Have a hug and shit." All that comes back this time is a sigh. "Sorry, now I feel like I've hurt you."

"No, no it's not that." Mads sounds wistful then, regretful too. "I wish I could be there with you too but your right. It won't work, at least not right now." He goes silent then, almost as if he has something else on his mind. Something I can't figure out. "Lo?"

The next time Mads says something it's softer. Quieter than before. Something that lets me hear some sort of sadness in his voice, hidden at the back. That as a friend...as whatever we are, I hate hearing more than I'd healthily like to admit. Haunted out. Like he's trying to forget something. Or run from it. Hide it away where no one can see it.

"Mads?" I whisper the word into my phone, hearing another low sigh come back to me. "Mads what's wrong mi amor? You...you sound so....so sad." Again nothing much comes back to me and I wait, patiently. "Mads?"

"I-shit." He curses, voice still soft. Balanced. A moment of silence, a low sigh. Then he's back. "I wanted to ask about Friday. Friday night."

"Friday night last week? The party?" I frown, twirling a lock of hair around my finger. Not sure where he's going with what he's asking, saying. "Are...are you asking about last week?" Again silence comes and I sigh that time, not sure what he's asking the longer Mads refuses to answer. "Mads?"

"No not last week," When he eventually replies Mads sounds tense. Worried even. I remain silent, waiting for him to carry on with what he's saying...wanting to say. "I was wanting to ask about this Friday. Not last week."

"You mean about Shadow Night celebrations? I know there's a party and figured you'd be going. Given your likeness for that sort of an event." Had I been able to see him I'd have nudged Mads with a smile but have to make do with a smile in the dark, low laugh too. "Don't tell me your tempting fate and ask me to a party? Unless what we joked about before is true."