Convergent

34.

T R I S

I just sit there, it has been three hours since I said that to Tobias. It came out of my mouth, I didn't mean it like that, but I don't know what has got into me. I honestly don't know what has gotten into me lately.

I put my knees up against my chest, and I just let the tears flow down my cheeks.

I never wanted my life to turn out like this. I just wanted to live a regular life that's all I ask for is a regular life but of course I cannot get that.

I can never get a break, I'm always being hunted down or I cause problems. It's just not fair.

But life isn't fair

I wish my mother was her right now, I wish I could ask her for advice. But she's not, and I miss her dearly.

I miss her comfort and love. I miss her voice telling me that everything is going to be alright.

I need that, I honestly do. I need love and comfort. But now I have nothing. I need to go to talk to Tobias.

He needs me and I need him. I still do love him. I know he has said things to me in the past that hurt me and I have done things to him in the past.

He has forgiven me and so did Christina when I shot Will. I have to forgive him, I think he has realized I Was hurt before and he had to learn his lesson by now.

He needs to realize that I'm still there for him, and I want him to know that. I can that keep standing here like nothing happened.

I need to do something, I need to show him love and comfort like my mother would do for me. Maybe it's not me now that needs love and comfort.

It's Tobias

He needs me and I need to go to him, If I don't then I don't know what will happen if I don't but I need to.

But first I need Christina's help.

》

"So you accidentally said that you don't love him anymore?" Christina huffs. I nod and then I frown at her. "Ouch," she huffs.

I play with my fingers in my lap. "Yeah I don't know what to do Christina," I say. She sighs at me. "I honestly don't know what to say Tris, I mean what you said to him must of broke him even though you didn't mean it like that,"

She's right, what I said must of broke him. His father doesn't love him and I'm pretty sure his mother doesn't. Maybe if she never left then it would be a different story.

But I am the only one that loves him, yes he had friends but it's not the same as someone loving him like I do. I think I most of broke him. He's probably a mess right now because of me.

But he's also strong

"Yeah your probably right, I don't get why do I mess up everything is it because of my divergence?" I ask. She shakes her head no. "No Tris, it's just for these past two years you have been under so much stress and these war problems are getting into you're head,"

"You think so?" I ask. She nods at me again. "Of course, it's just all inside your head it's normal for you to make those kind of mistakes"

"So war does change people," I whisper. "Of course it does Tris, it did for me and it did for you," Christina says. I haven't realized it, but she's right I have changed so much because of wars.

I just have been so focused on the wars I just haven't had enough time to realize that I am a different person now. I am not a monster, not a hero I'm just a person with healed genes fighting in a war that's all.