Convergent

36.

T R I S

Are they going to come back? Are they?

It keeps repeating in my head and it won't stop. I'm so nervous that they will eventually come back.

I know I'm not safe, I feel like they're watching me. I can't stop being this worried. I don't want to make people think I'm crazy or something.

Maybe it's because I have been through so much in the past years. Maybe it's that, yeah maybe it is.

I lean against the wall and I look out the window. The rain pours down from outside and I sigh.

What if I never stop acting like this? What if I won't have a life where I am never scared? No I can't have that life. I can't let that happen and it won't.

I play with my fingers in my lap. I hear footsteps and I turn around and I see Tobias walking towards me. "Oh I didn't see you there?" I say.

He grins at me and sits down next to me in the window seat. "What's wrong?" He asks. I just shake my head no. "It's nothing," I lie

He knows I'm lying, so I decide to look the other way. "Tris what's going on?" He sighs.

"I'm just worried that they're going to come back, the convergents," I gulp. He shakes his head at me. "Tris there not coming back,"

"You don't know that, they could come back at any month, any day or any second and we could end up dead!" I yell.

"Even if they came back I promise I wouldn't let them hurt us or our friends," he says. But what about the other people. The innocent people what is going to happen to them huh?" I say

He doesn't say anything, he just looks at me. We both know what's going to happen. They're going to all die and we were selfish people who them die.

If that happened, the guilt would never leave me and I would feel like it's all my fault they died. Even though it wouldn't be. But for some reason I always think it's my fault.

"Tris look at me," Tobias says. I finally turn my head and he puts a finger underneath my chin. "None of it would be your fault, none of this is,"

"But the people who died,"

"No it's not," he cuts me off. He knew what I was going to say, I nod at him. "Look all this will be over soon, hey if they don't come back at the end of the year then you'll know they will never come back," he says.

But it doesn't matter if they come back in a day, a month, a year or fifteen years from now. They could come back at any time and we won't be prepared.

Luckily some people were prepared this time and not a lot of damage wasn't done. Only a couple people were injured but no deaths occurred which I'm thankful for.

If anyone died, it would hurt me because they were innocent people. Who would have lost their innocent lives, they could be children, parents or just innocent adults.

It hurts to think like that. I keep putting myself down because I think all of this is all my fault when people tell me it's not especially Tobias.

"Come here," he says. I scoot over to him and I lay back onto his chest. I bring my legs up to my chest and he wraps my arms.

I hear the rain pour outside, sometimes I think the rain reminds me of the tears that I had in these past two years. I wish the sun would come and just not let me shed anymore tears.

But right now it's impossible to not to cry. How can I? Even when I try not to. Tobias understands how I feel right now, he just wants me to be happy.