Growing Up Gay

Here We Go Again Ch. 18

       Okay so let's catch you guys up a bit. Since we last left off I filled you in on David and the VP I dislike. Well now I'm kind of friends with David. It's more like he talks at me and i'll occasionally respond or pretend like I have my airpods in.
So my class went on a field trip to visit some colleges and the Getty museum of art. For the first bus I was sitting next to a good friend of mine and she brought me starbucks. I of course got her snacks as a way to repay her.
Side note she spilled a good amount of tea. I'll add in just a bit but don't tell anyone. Apparently David has been fucking a freshman girl after school. At the same time he's been flirting with other girls at school. I feel bad for her she's being played like a cheap kazoo.
Back on track, She went to go save on of her friends from being rizzed up by David and I ended up sitting next to him. Once that happened I just ended up listening to music and reading in order to escape him. Thankfully he didn't bother me much until he started playing a game with Brooklyn.
He ended up with bruises thanks to her beating him up. The game was simple punch each other when you see a car from a different state or a yellow car, and he was being destroyed.
Winter formal also happened during this time. I went with my friends Breanna and Kiyanna. We wandered for a bit till they found friends that had alcohol. Then they went looking for someone that might have weed. After giving up they went to the dance floor but I left them.
I hate parties so once they went to the dance floor I found other friends and sat down with them for awhile. Later we got bored and tried everything at the winter formal. The venue itself was cool as it was a science museum do there was lots to do.
One of my guy friends is hella fruity so me and him slow danced on the dance floor. The funnier part was all my friends slow danced with their besties and left their dates alone.
Track and field started as well which means I can finally get back into shape. It also means I get to be with my old fruity gang. I'm actually happy that my team has actually gotten bigger. It used to be only 10 of us (including our coach) but now theres way more. The only real bad part about it is that now I actually have to try to get on varsity.
Now let's get to the title of the chapter shall we? Does anyone remember the boy I talked about in Ch. 15? Well anyways his name is Kai. He's goofy, nerdy, constantly making jokes, and wears his hat backwards. He also plays track and field like I do, except he's a runner. When I tell you he's the green flag I've been looking for. It's made me think maybe I am the red flag?
He's perfect and I've been broken for so long I don't know if i'll tarnish him too. On top of that he's probably straight. He should find a good girlfriend, she'll give him something I won't be able to. What if one day he says I want a family. What will I do?
So instead I'll sip my coffee and enjoy the laughs I have with him during the day. While at night I cry thinking wouldn't this have been easier if I was a girl? To him I'll always be that friend that cared a lot about his well being.
       I'm thankful at least our paths have crossed and we were able to make laugh together. Once he made me laugh I knew it was over. They say you can really feel it when Cupid has hit you but how can I describe the  way your smile brightens my day. I wake up hating the world and once I say hello to you suddenly the world is bright and has color again.
       What's worse is that he's a freshman and I'm a sophomore. I know were only a year apart but it's still looked down upon. I've learned that he also has an older brother that's a junior that looks more mature that Kai. But why would I trade in someone that I've already shown so much weaknesses towards. It's even obvious to others that I'm more kind and open to him.
       Maybe I need to stop overthinking and enjoy life but it's hard when I'm cursed to fall for boys I know I have no chance with. What did I do in my past life to deserve such a punishment?