Growing Up Gay

Fumbled by a Freshman Ch. 21

So here we go again with my problematic love life. So recently my friend group adopted this freshman. Actually its more like he started following us around. It was fine since he was actually quite entertaining to have around.
       Let me describe him the best way I can. He's this really goofy and cute freshman. He's half spanish and half mexican but bro looks like your average blonde boy. And he constantly wears hoodies and sweatpants. He's the most dorky and nerdy guy ever but he's our little freshman.
       He's actually really nice and became an integral part of our group. But Sean was more than that to me. Later he came out to me as Bi and our friendship deepened. We grew close as we would often walk together and chat. Slowly he got closer and closer to me. As when I would sit somewhere he would be next to me his leg touching mine.
       We have amazing chemistry, it's like the golden retriever boyfriend and the black cat boyfriend. He's the goofy golden retriever and I'm the quiet black cat boyfriend. We constantly banter with each other. We also low-key throw hands with each other.
       The way I show my love is by being physical and messing with you and he matched that energy. Maybe I'm just an attention whore and he's one of the few that give me the light of day.
      Anyways one day one of my friends told me that me and Sean would make a cute couple. After that day I couldn't ignore those feelings that have been brewing for months. I let myself be driven by those desires and the words of my friends.
      So I let my delusions and wishes win. So I came clean to him. I think his response broke me, never has it stung this badly. Why am I crying over a freshman?
       After connecting the dots he merely responded with "offer declined". Freshman suck.
       I don't even know why I even try dating any more, I can't be a whore or a boyfriend. I'm just better off being alone now.