Growing Up Gay

School and Heartbreak Ch. 14

The summer before the trimester started with me doing a football camp. If I'm being honest I could keep up with the work outs easily but it was still hell for me. What I mean is the sport isn't the problem, people are. Like I swear my mental health deteriorated the longer I was with them. I'm so glad I freed myself from them.
You might be asking, wait how did you free yourself from football? Well there was a mandatory meeting and I didn't show up for it. You can imagine how pissed my parents were. They stripped me of everything I had, I even had to walk to school. Also, I wasn't the first to crack, they had to give me my phone and the next day they gave everything back. I only lost my privileges for around half a week but I'd do it again.
Like seriously why would I stay with a group of people that asked me if I was gay because I got molested by a priest. I never have thankfully since my parents rarely took me to church. Although I will be taking church school next year since I'm not doing football. Also, that same guy that asked me that I later elbowed hella hard because he got way too damn close. After that day, he hasn't gotten in an arms distance.
Moving on I finished the first trimester of my sophomore year easily. I also took a class that I've been waiting years to try my hand at. As I kid I've always loved history and mythology so AP World History was the perfect subject for me. I actually did really well in the class and made friends with the teacher. Actually I feel as if I got so many good teachers this year.
Speaking of that AP teacher he's the best teacher I have had in a good while. Sure he might yell at you but he does it out of love for his students. He's also a very accommodating teacher like he saw that none of us finished notes on a section and he pushed it back three times.
Another teacher I absolutely loved was my Spanish teacher. Sure she might be a little old school and swamp you with work but if you talk with her she'll be sure to help you out with whatever you need. I've made tons of jokes in her class and she would always call me out for it. One time we had to use obey in a sentence so I went with "it's important to obey your partner in bed". Lets just say everyone except her liked the joke.
Another teacher I absolutely loved was my Chemistry teacher. She has the same sense of humor as me. Like I'm talking she has so much sarcasm than you think she would. I remember her literally having a magic show for us. The whole time she was just setting random things on fire. Also, everything was due at good times and like if you forgot to take notes she check them the next day for full credit.
Now my honours humanitiess teacher was a whole mood everyday. You could write quotes about the things she would randomly say. Also whenever you walked into her class you would smell scented candles and coffee. She also had something going on with her 3rd period. The way she described them was almost like demons summoned straight from hell. She says they would be constantly up to something. You could walk into her class and there would be a new picture taped onto a desk or a celling due to that class.
Also, I finally asked out a guy in early October. I had liked him since freshman year. He's sporty, goofy and athletic but sometimes I can see this nerdy side. He was perfect in my eyes. Connor drove me crazy with his constant starring and those times we'd accidentally bump into each other.
      Since I'm really bad at talking to guys I asked him out over 2 apps, instagram and saturn. In those dms I told him that I had feelings for him and asked him out to a café date. I even did it during a class I had with him so I could see his reaction but I saw none not even a read. All i could see him do was look at his phone then go back to talking to his friends.
To this day I still haven't got a response from him. I need someone to explain to me why does my spupd feel as if it was crushed. I don't understand how being left on delivered hurts more than being rejected. At first I thought maybe he just deleted the apps and that's why he hasn't responded. My suspicions were destroyed when I saw him online on instagram and still not read my message.
My friend even used instgram to try and talk to him and she even try to offer me up to him. He didn't even read that message either. How am I able to get over him if I keep seeing him? How am I able to function when the boy I fell for doesn't acknowledge that I exist?
     I am at a loss for words. I thought I would get over it after a few months but I'm still not over it. we've literally bumped into each other. He's watched me play track and field yet he still won't respond. What is he doing to me? Why can't I just move on? I've tried looking at others to try and fall for someone new. No one has been able to make me fall head over heels like he made me.
     I still haven't felt something like I did when I talked to him for the first time. The way he talked to me in Spanish, the little looks he'd steal, and most of all the way he constantly kept me coming back for more. I know to others this sounds like I'm hooked on a boy that just gave me the attention I was starved for but you'd feel the same way I do.
      The way I was always in his eyes drove me crazy. Like dude stop taking free samples and buy the actual product. It's not like he's stopped keeping his eyes on me after us not sharing a class anymore. No matter where I am he's always a few feet away.