Growing Up Gay

Friendzoned? Really! Ch. 19

       I know you want to know the tea but sadly we gonna talk about my sport before we get to the juicy part. So I had a meet where I had to throw against a christian school. Every single time I threw my discus they tried to sike me out, I'm surprised they didn't say a slur to my face. Jokes on them because I got third place between all the JV throwers.
      Lately I haven't been able to throw as well as I did last year. My form and technique is way better than last year yet my marks are off by 5ish feet.
Moving on I worked all day on an invitational, basically schools pay to compete on our field. So that means JV players have to work for half the day in order to make sure the event runs smoothly. I actually decided to work the whole day since I wanted extra community service hours.
I made friends with some other helpers and we ended up rating all the guys we saw. Let me tell you there was very few hot guys. I think the highest rating we gave was a 7/10.
       ow for the juicy part, so Kai the nerd I fell for all the way in december. Well i finally got his phone number. We've been chatting in and out of class. It's kind of funny the way he texts, it's as if he's texting in paragraphs. He's respectful and kind while texting. He's a green flag.
       I told him that I liked him and that if he didn't feel the same way its okay and I'd rather not mess up what we have right now. While he told me that he's not a relationship type of person.
       Side tangent what does that mean? Like you saying you a hoe and do sneaky links only? Or is he saying he just wants to focus on himself.
       He also said that he respects me and how I feel. He also said that I was funny and wanted to stay friends. He also said that he wanted to keep talking to each other. I responded with wanting to keep the friendship too and to return to normal. He also expressed that he's never been in this situation before.
At first I thought I could move on fast and ignore my feelings but I can't. When he smiles I get butterflies, when he speaks the storm stops in my mind, when he laughs I feel light. How can I truly just move on?
      I thought I can just set aside those feelings and be a good friend to him. I thought I could just cheer him on from the side line and act as if nothing is wrong. I thought I could just be his number one fan but it started eating me up.
      It hurts I know I can't be with him so I act as just a friend. It's killing me I think I fell way harder than I thought I did. Sure Connor might have started me down a lot but Kai showed me nothing but kindness.
      All the other boys i've fallen for never made it so much easier to move on. To them I was never more than a passing thought. But Kai made it so much harder for me.
      It would be so much easier on me if he hated me. I could move on so much faster if he shot down harder. But he didn't he was gentle and kind to my feelings.
He made sure that I wasn't hurt.
      I'm too attached to him and I don't know how to fix. I tried stopping on those feelings but they were a bear trap that bit me in the end. I don't know what I'm going to do the more I pretend like everything is fine the worse my mental heath gets.
      Why was I cursed to fall so hard for the ones that will never love me back?