I know a lot of people don't like country music but it has so many stories to tell. Country music is the music of real, heart braking stories. Not a lot of people will think of just one single event can change a person, but go to a concert. On top of that go to a country concert. Especially one by CP or Carley Pearce.
Her music is full of emotion and the pain shes gone through. As she says her songs are meant for people to learn from. I encourage people to listen to her music if love is throwing you curve balls. Her music has taught me a lesson that I have forgotten. That I have worth and I don't need a man to tell me that.
I've always played second fiddle hurting myself to help the people around me. Whether it would be setting up my friend with my exe. Or just flat out being a whore for attention and male-validation. Her music is about healing those bruises caused by love. Never has music changed me so much.
I don't want to be that person any more. And that starts now. I'm going to fully delete Wizz, I'm going to live in the moment, and I going to rethink my relationship with Sean.
I might just be delusional but it feels like I am being led on by him. We practically do everything together now. He also low-key took me on date to a county fair. Sure we were with his family but we separated and went on rides together.
The whole day he was more touchy then normal. Like he constantly had contact with my body. On top of that he had these moments where he would just look at me for a few seconds then once I would catch him he would pretend like nothing was happening or would change the subject.
On certain rides he even grip on to me. It was crazy the amount of times he did. He literally faked passing out and put his head on my shoulder. Its like on most of the rides that made you go to one side or put force on you he made it his excuse to get fully on me. As if he didn't even try to fight it.
I think I need distance from him, I'm still not over him and the way he acts just hurts me more. Fuck why am I crying over this mid white boy. Maybe it's because he's the one that I finally felt was the one that could match my energy and balance me out. The orange cat to my black cat.
I hate this.
*here's a link to songs by CP -
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DZ06evO2C1Hr5?si=X-Dm1MNFQausMnpdPH_DPw
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Growing Up Gay
NonfiksiThis is basically my journal, so listen to all the bullshit I've been though and how I've dealt with it. From bad parents to homophobes at school. I've gone through a lot so come and see my journey through high school. ⚠️Trigger warning ⚠️ language...
