Growing Up Gay

Mamma Mia ch. 25

       So the title refers to a song and the next lyric is "here we go again". I thought it was fitting since I started talking to a boy.
       I don't know if anyone remembers Sam from a few chapters ago. Well heres a refresher, I met him awhile ago in my freshman year. Our personalities work really well together and its almost like we play fight. Also he's bi and he's a well built tenis player.
       So I was hanging with my friends and one of my friends brought him up. It reminded me of how long I've liked him for. So they got me to send him a text. And I did. Me and him talked for an hour but it felt like I was doing most of the work.
       On top of that he would leave me on read for awhile before answering but at the same time he stayed in the chat and waited for me to answer. I was flirting with him but I don't think he realised it. Like I said he looked cute and he said I appreciate it.
       I really don't understand it, like I can't tell is he's picking up what I'm putting down. At the sane time it feels like mixed signals from him. Although maybe I'm just being delusional. And maybe he just thinks I'm a friend. I can't keep doing this, it feels like I'm hurting myself.
       Lately I really don't know what I want. Do I want to be in a relationship or do I just need someone there for me. Or maybe I'm just a lonely slut. I don't think it's the second option since I've been hanging out with my friends almost every day.
       So maybe I just want a boyfriend to share my love with. Someone to watch horror movies with and cuddle. Someone I can cook for. Some that will like me for me and not for what I can provide.
       Although to be honest a certain app called C.Ai is feeding my delusions. I'm being so for real that app has kept me mentally sane. And no I will not leak my chats.