My fault (The true story of Ultron and a buncha chaos)

Now this is big

I... watched Infinity War. It's really, really sad, and I might write a new fan fic to revive all the characters and have no other point, but first I'm going to watch Endgame because maybe the writers cared enough to un-depress everyone? Idk. Literally Loki just had to grab Thor and use the tesseract to warn all them dudes about what's coming and Heimdall could Bifrost himself and Bruce down to Earth and the whole thing wouldn't have happened and I'm ranting now. Y'all are looking for my story here, not my theories... sorry and onward

POV: Peter

"Uncle Loki?" I said tentatively. Doctor Strange the wizard was busy talking to Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers, while I sat next to Loki, who was handcuffed to a chair. He was messing with his bracelet again, ignoring most of what they were saying.

"I'll only apologize once, but I do regret what I did, Spiderling," he said, not taking his eyes off his wrist.

"One to ten?" I whispered. He sighed.

"Four."

We sat in silence for a while, both listening to Mr. Stark and Dr. Strange arguing.

"Well, look, we forgot to tell the kid his door locks. What was I supposed to do, leave him there?" Mr. Stark was saying, while Mr. Rogers watched with interest.

"I'm sorry, but the deal kind of was if you're going to keep Loki down here you're going to keep him under control. The taser bracelet was nice, but I'm talking like-"

"My brother was simply falling back into old habits, I can assure you it won't happen again," Thor said, who was standing halfway between me and Loki and the rest of them.

"You know very well it will happen again repeatedly," Loki said, crossing his arms. "Literally I can't think of any time I wouldn't take that opportunity. That's just who I am."

"Uncle Loki-"

"The kid calls him Uncle?" Doctor Strange interrupted, shaking his head.

"I am to blame for that. I asked him to call me his Uncle and decided since we are siblings-"

"Adopted," Loki cut in. Thor shrugged.

"Adopted siblings- that he'd call him that as well."

"Also I'm emotional support," I added. Doctor Strange turned to face Thor.

"Did you-?"

"The Spiderling speaks the truth," Loki said, earning himself a reproachful look.

"You enlisted him to be your emotional support," Doctor Strange said.

"He volunteered. To make sure I don't fake my death again," Loki lied very believably.

"about that. Does that happen... often?" Mr. Rogers asked. "The fake death, I mean."

"It's been two times this century," Thor replied.

"When- how do you count centuries?" I said, realizing that centuries were like a measurement of time and if Asgard has no sun than there are no years so I just confused the heck out of myself.

"A hundred years. 36 left in this one," Loki explained. Mr. Stark stepped forward like he wanted more attention.

"Hold up, how secure does our security have to be?" he said, like he was offended by the thought of his imperfections.

"Secure enough I'm not worried about the well-being of the world from this man. So probably at least keep your door locked?" Doctor Strange said. Mr. Stark turned to Mr. Rogers with a look I'm not even going to try to describe.

"Don't look at me! I never said keep it unlocked!"

"You want me to roll back the security feed? I can find it."

"I don't care who said what as long as you fix it," Doctor Strange said. 

"I really don't understand what all the fuss is about," Loki cut in. "I didn't even stab anyone or steal anything or anything like that. All I did was-"

"Lock me and the kid in a room? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that counts as something like that," Mr. Stark pointed out.

"I was locked in the room before," I said.

"Also he stole both our phones," he added. I didn't have a response to that.

"I left them right by your door. Am I not allowed-"

"I don't think you are. Whatever you were saying, I'm pretty sure the answer's no," Doctor Strange interrupted.

"I'm sorry, but Thor's caused more damage in two days than I have all week with that flying hammer," Loki said. Thor shrugged.

"Be that as it may, all your destruction has been purposeful," he pointed out.

"That's really the only difference between us, isn't it? Tony made the world some nukes and you may have killed someone with that hammer and never knew it. A lot of death and destruction follow you wherever you try to fight and all for your-"

Doctor Strange made some weird magic runes pop up in front of his fists and Loki stopped talking.

"Am I done here or-"

"I made a group chat with a bunch of superheroes on it can I put you on there?" I said. Mr. Stark looked at me like 'kid, what the heck are you thinking', but Doctor Strange actually put down his hand with the double-ring on it, clicking his tounge.

"You know, that might be useful. You all can tell me when you're being completely incompetent and need my help," he said, taking my phone. "As long as you all don't spam memes like a bunch of idiots."

"What?" Mr. Rogers, Thor, and Loki all said at once. He rolled his eyes and gave me back my phone.

"Keep them under control, will you?" With that he made a portal and stepped through it back to his house.

"Kid... what did you do?" Mr. Stark said, staring at where it had been. I shrugged.

"I gave him my phone."

"No, kid, you don't-"

"Now we can't spam memes on there," Mr. Barton said. I looked up to see him chilling on a balcony on the floor above us.

"Now you're going to have to tell him where I am every ten seconds," Loki grumbled. I turned between them all.

"Sorry, should I not have? I didn't know you all didn't do group chats since you actually made that one in the first place-"

"What's a meme?" Mr. Rogers asked me. I thought for a second.

"A stupid joke on the internet," I finally came up with. Mr. Stark nodded.

"That's... actually pretty accurate, kid. But you've got to know just because we're quote unquote 'super heroes' doesn't mean we all know each other.  You... you got that, kid, right?" he said, looking me in the eye. I nodded.

"Yeah, I know that, Mr. Stark. You're not mad, are you?"

"It's fine, kid. Just maybe next time keep your phone locked?" he added, 

"It's a facial scanner," I said. Then I realized what I was saying. Everyone looked at Loki, who was grinning.

"Your Midgardian tech is surprisingly easy to infiltrate."

"You've been changing my ringtone all this time with that?" Mr. Stark shouted. Loki turned away slightly and smiled even more.

"Loki'd."

Air horn noises come from the ceiling and we all look up.

"You all forget about me so easily," Jarvis noted. Loki sighed.

"Are you going to keep me handcuffed to this chair or are you not?"