I was sad. It hurt me that he left. He left! Me. He said he loved me. He promised. I was hurting. My chest felt like there was a hole. Why, why, why, why, why.
It's my fault. If I wasn't so damn careless. If I actually was good at what I do.
If he actually loved you, he would stay. Intrusive thought.
He saw a dead body, he's seen dead bodies before! He's an EMT. He sees the same things I do. He watches life leave the eyes of his patients. Why then, would he leave me?
He doesn't love you. Intrusive thought.
He left you, he doesn't love you. Intrusive thought.
He'd be better off without you anyway. Intrusive thought.
Go find him, drag him back and make him talk to you. Intrusive thought.
Why doesn't he love me? Why can't he understand that I do what I do for him, to support his lifestyle, to keep my sister alive. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I be better? Why do I run everyone I love away?
Lavender is next. She'll leave you too. She wants to die because you're not a good enough brother. Intrusive thought.
Intrusive thought doesn't mean it's not true.
I sat on my heels and put my hands into my head. It was pounding, pounding, pounding. Why, why, why, why, why?
It's so loud in my head. I wish it would shut up. How do I get my head to shut up?
Shut up. Shut UP!
I fell onto the floor, and sobbed until my lungs hurt. My eyes could produce no more tears.
YOU ARE READING
Hitmans life
Mystery / ThrillerA young man begins to murder people for money, he does it out of love for his dying sister, for the love of his boyfriend. But someone is creeping among the shadows, waiting for him to become theirs.
