Under the same sky

Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Her

"What do you mean?"

I let a heavy sigh when Audrey keep on saying the same thing. Kasalukuyan ko siyang tinatawagan, I keep on explaining her everything happened but her responses always sounds unconvinced.

"At least listen to me Drey, it was freaking true!"

Hindi ko mapigilang sumigaw dahil sa inis. She thought I was just kidding. Damn. Even my best friend can't understand me.

"Maybe next time—"

"Call me if you're done laughing"

I then hung up. Even just for once, I didn't spill any jokes to her, not even this one.

Tumayo ako at lumabas ng kwarto. Naisipan kong magtungo sa rooftop para doon magpahangin.

I am done explaining. I won't explain anything next time. For now, I need a fresh air to lessen my temper.

I've never been this low tempered before, where did I even learn this?

Paglabas ko sa kwarto ay walang ni isang tao akong nakita. Dumiretso na akong lumabas ng condo at tumungo sa rooftop. I'm on the last floor kaya malapit ko lang marating ang rooftop.

Sumalubong sa akin ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Palubog din ang araw kaya hindi na masyadong mainit ang sikat nito. May nakita akong upuan kaya umupo ako doon.

I stare at the view, it was so fascinating to watch. Ang mga taong naliligo sa dalampasigan, ang malinaw na kulay asul na dagat at lalo na ang kulay kahel na paglubog ng araw. A perfect match tho.

I wish my life would be as beautiful as this view

But no, I just can't agree that way. Life has been too harsh lately. As time goes by, life wasn't putting any patience in me. I did agree that we have to suffer in order to learn, but what will be the things I'll learn from suffering this hard? Is it even worth it?

I did felt the happiness in life, but it was only temporary. Happiness never stay, it was only our little escape from this chaotic world.

I felt a droplets of liquid in my shirt. I thought it was raining, but I'm actually crying. I felt my both hands shaking.

Damn. My anxiety is attacking me!

I heard my sobs become higher. Hanggang sa nakita ko nalang ang sarili ko na hikbi ng hikbi.

With my remaining strength, I do the sign of the cross and prayed. I still want to settle this, I don't want to depress myself again.

"God... I have come this far. Kinuha mo na sakin si mommy, Dad was still there but we're too far from each other" I paused.

"You  know I survived life even when I'm alone. Pero bakit? Why do I still have to deal with these tears?  Hindi pa ba sapat ang luha at ang sakit na nararamdaman ko para maging masaya? O talagang wala sa plano mo na pasayahin ang buhay ko?"

I didn't plan to question God about my fate but yeah, the situation force me to do so.

"God, no matter what's your plan is, at least make it worth to wait. I am willing to face this all, just promise me that I'll receive something great at the end"

When I say great, it can be a lesson. Sa  mga karanasan ko sa buhay, marami na akong natutunan doon. Those was the lesson that I've been using right now as my weapon.

Life is life. When we choose to be sad, then we'll be sad and if we choose to be happy, then we'll be happy. It was indeed a compilation of good and bad experiences.