180 Degrees- Completed

Chapter Twenty Four

It wasn't long after him leaving that Caz started handing me shots. I think between her and Eve they understood how badly this was fucking with my head and the only way they knew how to help right now was to make me forget about it. 

It wasn't going to happen. The drunker I got the more I was thinking about how him being here was messing it up. I liked that no one here knew me. No one was expecting me to act a certain way and now he was here, all he would say to people is that I never used to be like that. It was going to look like I'd somehow lost my mind over summer. 

I wish he had stayed there. Or gone somewhere else. I didn't want him here like I used to. I didn't want him to come in and complicate things. Because my feelings for him were still there. Seeing him tonight made that perfectly evident. 

But now the thought of even starting anything with him felt like a betrayal to a girl who never even tolerated me. I hated that too. That I had some kind of loyalty to Penny even after everything she'd done. Just because she was who she was. What kind of girl still doesn't want to get under her bullies feet when she's thousands of miles away and they're not even together? Me. That's who. 

Why was I even thinking about him like this anyway? What I have with James is good, great even. I'm happy with him. I miss him when he's not around. He shows me off, knows me, doesn't try to control me, is happy taking things at my pace. He's great. And I know he hasn't felt about another girl what he feels about me. He's admitted that himself. 

So what do I do now? I mean, I openly admitted to everyone in that room that I'd had a crush on him for years. Do I just carry on as normal? As I have been for the past 2 weeks? 

I downed my 6th shot of the night, not feeling the slightest hint of alcohol in my system. I was stone cold sober and I think they were all confused as to why I wasn't ready to tap out as they watched me make another drink with way too little mixer. 

James was off with his friends somewhere. I don't know how he believed me when I said he was no one. Or how he believed me when I said I was okay. Maybe he was drunker than I thought he was. Or stupid. Could be either or. 

The girls dragged me out to the dance floor, getting me as close to the speaker as possible in the middle of this huge group. A mix of cheerleaders and volleyball girls, all trying to make sure I was okay. It was a nice gesture, that they were hanging around like this. I didn't want to be here though. Not now. 

"Stop thinking about him." Eve shouted in my ear. "You're with James." I looked at her and sighed, covering my hands with my face. "Okay come on, lets talk." She grabbed my hand pulling me out to the back yard where I had been before she came and told us they were here. Pulling out 2 chairs in the corner of the garden and tipping me slightly so I sat down. "Okay. Spill it." 

"What the fuck do I do now Eve?" I looked at her fighting back tears I didn't want to shed over this guy. The only I had ever cried over and it had been a continuous issue. "What do I do when the guy I've been in love with for 4 years walks in and notices me when I'm covered in someone else's marks? I've been so happy with James the last 2 weeks. It's literally been the most fun and he's the sweetest guy ever with this bad boy hint to him." 

"And he's hot." She chuckled and I nodded quickly, giving her the weakest laugh possible. 

"And he's hot. But I can't stand in front of James and deny that I still like Oz. What am I supposed to do?" 

"Why don't you talk to Izzy about it?" 

"Izzy can go to hell right now. This wouldn't be half as bad if I wasn't going to be fucking blindsided by it. I wasn't expecting him to be there and she knew he was here. Not that he'd be here tonight, but that he was at this school. She should have warned me. Just a little hint. Oh by the way, Oz and Penny split over summer and he's not here. Done. That easy." I sat back in the chair. "I mean I wanted James to have some competition right? I did not mean him. Literally anyone but him. Give me the devil himself over fucking Oscar. Everything with him has so much history and as much as I still have these feelings for him. I don't fucking want them." I groaned and ran my hand through my curls. "I don't want to love him Eve. I don't want to be tied to him. I don't want him here interrupting what I've started building for myself. It was just getting good with James and now its just complicated." 

"Why is it complicated?" I looked up at her. "Why does it have to be? You like James, James likes you. You don't have to act on your feelings for Oscar. The only time you're going to see him really is these parties and you'll have James and me and Caz and the other girls to keep you away from him. It'll be like her never came. I'm sure as time goes on with you and James, you'll start to get over Oscar. I mean you were already right?" 

"Getting over him?" 

"Yeah." 

"I mean I guess. I wasn't thinking about him."

"See. You don't love him Vee. Its just a crush that outstayed it's welcome. You've put it out there now that you did like him so that should help you in letting it go. Spend some time with James, let him show you the attention Oscar didn't and I'm sure you'll be fine. Now come on, I'm sure there's a hot guy inside waiting to leave a few more marks on you." She held her hand out as she stood up and I took it. Honestly, I did feel a little better getting it off my chest and out in the open with her.