180 Degrees- Completed

Chapter Forty Three

He stood there staring at me, hands rested on the sides of my face. Looking into his eyes like I had done almost daily for 2 months. They were different now. Bluer. Sadder. I hated this. This battle in my chest on if I should cave or not. It felt so abnormal for me to be fighting against him. Against the way his breathing was stuttering like mine as a tear fell down from his cheek and onto my dress again. 

He did feel bad. I could tell that. I could feel it in how his hands were shaking against me. How he wasn't gripping onto me hard like he used to. He just put them there to ground himself so he could focus and not get frustrated. It was grounding me too. Pulling me into the ground. I was sinking deeper and deeper with every second. 

"Avery-" He whispered into the silence. I don't know why he was whispering. We're here alone. "Tell me who kissed you that on Friday. Please? I need to know who had the chance to touch you because I fucked up." I swallowed. 

"Grayson on Friday. Oscar on Saturday night." 

"Both of them?" I nodded and his chest jolted. "Okay." He nodded. "They didn't hurt you?" 

"No." I shook my head between his hands. 

"Good." He swallowed hard, watching his Adam's apple move in his throat I knew he was mad at himself now. "Did um- have you-" 

"Slept with either of them?" He nodded. "No." He breathed a sigh of relief as I sniffed back my tears. 

"I am sorry Vee. I'll keep saying it until you believe me." 

"I do." 

"Wha-" 

"I believe you, that you're sorry. I know you regret it and I know you won't do it again." He blinked slowly but other than that his face didn't change. Not for a good few seconds of silence. Then he furrowed his brow slightly. Like he was in a war within himself. I couldn't tell what kind of war, what was going on inside his head but I think both sides must have been making sense to him. 

"I won't." He whispered again. "I won't do it again." His breathing got heavier, making me uneasy and the way his head was moving closer to me had me gripping onto the chair below me, bracing for impact. 

He kissed me soft. His lips barely giving me any pressure. I shakily let go of the chair, making sure I was steady before I brought my hands up and placed them on his cheeks. I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I took in a shaky breath against him. He pulled back, resting his forehead on mine. I slowly ran my finger along his bottom lip, mine quivering as I tried to hold myself together.  I squeezed my eyes, letting another handful of tears fall before I looked back at his lips and back to his eyes. Deep blue now. Like the Mariana trench.  So dark blue there was barely any colour. He shook his head again. 

"I'm so sorry Avery." He kissed me again. Harder now. "I'm so sorry." Another kiss. He tried to pull back put I just pulled him back by his face, pulling him against me so hard the chair nearly tipped backwards. "Vee-" He spoke into my lips until I covered them with my open mouth, shaking my head at him. No more talking. I was done talking. Don't say another word. 

He pushed the chair behind him back as he kissed me back in the same way. James' hands went under me in the chair, picking me up effortlessly and moving the chair I had been sat on before sitting me on the counter top behind me. It was cold against my skin that was quickly heating up. 

His hands moved to the sides of my thighs as we continued making out, not letting him move his face from mine for even a second. Every time he tried I shook my head and pulled him back 

"Stop leaving." I spoke against him as his hands moved my dress up, pulling me closer to the ledge. 

"I need to tell you I'm sorry." 

"Shut up." I giggled slightly and he smiled. 

"I love you." I stopped. Slowly moving my head back as we both froze. I swallowed as he looked at me. "I um. No. I'm not taking it back. I do. I love you Avery." I nodded, kissing him quickly again. "Are you not going to say it back?" I shook my head smirking against him. He chuckled, pulling his head back and littering his kisses down my neck. 

"No marks." He nodded but carried on kissing me as his hands laid against my panties. He grabbed and I lifted up, letting him put them in his pocket as he quickly lifted his head and looked at me. I nodded quickly showing him it was okay. I was over it. I just needed him back right now. He pulled me onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist before he picked me up and walked us up the stairs and into his bedroom. 

His movements were gentle tonight. Like they had been for our first time but a little more forceful. He laid me down on the bed, quickly undressing himself from the waist down and coming back to kiss me. I let his tongue into me as I unbuttoned his shirt, my fingers were fumbling against him, pulling the buttons out in such a struggle I couldn't work out if I was moaning at that or his hand moving between my legs. 

As soon as I had unfastened him I put my hands on his chest and dug in, dragging them down over his front until I couldn't reach and further. He bit my lip at that, putting a hand under my waist and flipping us over so I was on top. I could feel him under me as he undid my dress. I moved my hips and he pushed his head back into the mattress. 

"Fuckin-" He lifted his head up and carried on unfastening me quicker. "Don't move. Please don't move an inch. Let me do this for you. Let me show you how sorry I am. Don't do anything." I grabbed his face, pulling him back from my skin and laying my head down on his as he moved back into the pillows. 

"I love you James."