180 Degrees- Completed

Chapter Forty Two

Congrats on the win. 
You really gave Penny what for with that ball to her face.
You didn't have to go and check on her though Vee. 
Not after what she put you through.

I read his messages as we got closer to the changing room door. I didn't understand why he was texting after what Iz had said to him on Saturday night. He should be taking her warning and keeping his distance. I walked out of the changing room, rolling my eyes at my parents. 

"What are you wearing?" 

"A dress." I sighed. "Oh my god, you guys gave me this for my birthday!" I shook my head and pushed past them. "Have a safe flight home. I'll see you next weekend for thanksgiving break." I didn't even stop, just kept walking and got in my car. I took off quickly, knowing they would be going and waiting outside of my apartment to make sure I wasn't lying about having plans tonight. I just needed to keep out of the way until 8pm. 4 hours. The girls were going for drinks which was out of the question. Oscar had a game tonight and Grayson had been uncontactable for the past 3 days, lord knows where he was but he didn't come to the party and if he did I didn't see him. 

I pulled up down a little side road, laying my head back and sighing. I couldn't just sit in my car for 4 hours. What the fuck was I supposed to do. I was exhausted from the game so no gym or assignments. I wouldn't be able to focus. And I am so fucking hungry. I groaned. 

Pizza? 

I sat staring at the bubble. Watching as it appeared, bounced around and then vanished. Coming back for a second before his message popped up.

Okay. 
Mine? 

Yeah my parents will be scoping my place out.
I'll grab it. I'm out anyway. I'll be like 20 minutes.

Don't you dare buy the pizza Avery. 
I fucked up. I buy the food. Come here with food and I'll just throw it in the trash and buy it anyway.

Well that's wasteful.
Fine. 5 minutes. I'm just down the block parked up. 

I  can't believe I was doing this. Was I actually stupid? I had to be right? The guy cheated on me and here I am going over to his for pizza just because I don't want to be alone right now and he's my only choice. I locked my phone, driving down a few blocks and pulling up a little way away from his house. 

I'd been here once or twice before. Coming in whilst he grabbed a few things between his nights at mine. I'd never stayed for more than 20 minutes though. He lived with a few of his football friends and he hated me being around them for too long. Always said when they were they'd spend an hour talking about me and it made him uncomfortable which is valid. It kind of creeped me out just thinking about it. 

He pulled the door open a I stood looking up at the house, hitting my phone against my hand nervously. This was a mistake. I was making a mistake here and I knew it. And yet I was still walking up the front porch steps and into the warm house. 

"No one's here. They're all out with your girls." I nodded, crossing my arms as he closed the door behind me. "I'm guessing you're ready to talk without it becoming a screaming match if you're here?" I sighed, turning to face him.

"It was either this or sit in my car alone for 4 hours." He wasn't smiling. Neutral face, knowing he still wasn't on my good side. "And I didn't want to be alone just to overthink the whole Penny and Oscar thing." He raised an eyebrow. "No I'm not talking to you about it." He nodded and pointed into the kitchen. I gave a single nod, walking in and sitting down at the island, putting my phone down. I wasn't expecting any calls or texts now. It would be radio silence from everyone for  few hours. I had no idea what I was going to tell them I did whilst they were all off doing their own things. 

"So." He sighed, standing on the opposite side and sliding me a glass of water. "I can't apologise again. It's starting to sound like I don't mean it." 

"Because you don't." He sighed, laying his head back on his shoulders. "If you were sorry it wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"Vee." He moved around, pulling a chair and putting it in front of me as I turned around. We were face to face. Sat about 3 foot away from each other. "You hung up the phone and I was so confused. I didn't think you'd do that but I laid there all night just thinking about it. How you'd phrased it, how you smiled when you did. And then I thought, what if the moment just got away from you like it does with us. I didn't see your texts Vee because I didn't want to be the boyfriend that's always checking in and I didn't want you to feel like I didn't trust you. And then I went the whole day just thinking about it. I wasn't even going to go to the party but the boys literally dragged me out. I can't tell you how much I had to drink before you got there Vee. I was well past wasted. I could barely walk in a straight line. And in the blur of it I got so angry that you weren't there and in my head you were with him because he's better for you. I knew it. That's why as soon as he was there I had to make you exclusively mine because I knew if you played our games with him there wasn't a chance I'd win. He's better in literally every single way. I can't fight against someone like him." 

"Seeing you there that night Vee. I thought I'd passed out. I genuinely thought I had knocked myself out. But when I realised it wasn't I saw you with him and I didn't know what to do. I realised if you were both here that nothing happened. It couldn't have because neither of you would have shown your faces around here, not at that party. And I knew I fucked up. I tried to fix it Vee. I came and I just wanted to tell you I was sorry that we would be okay." 

"None of that takes back a single thing that happened James." 

"I know. I can never take it back Vee. I really fucking wish I could because you are the best thing that has every happened to me. And I just gave you the reason to leave." He stood up and moved across to me. "I know I messed up. I know. I am so sorry Vee. It was a stupid mistake, II should have checked my phone, I should have called, I should have fucking emailed you if I couldn't get through. And if none of that worked I should have come home. I should have stayed here and waited for you. I should have played on the PlayStation or gone to the gym or just done anything else other than stay there. I know. I know now. I got lost in the jealousy that he was with you but that wasn't your fault and I never should have made a decision that made you think it was." 

"You really hurt me James." I looked up at him, pulling on the hair tie around my wrist. "I went home on Saturday night and cried on Izzy for 3 hours." He held my face as I started crying again. "You were the first boy that ever made me cry and now I'm hurting so fucking bad I don't know what to do." 

"I know." His eyes were turning red as they filled with his own tears. "Don't cry Vee. Please don't cry." He wiped my cheeks before leaning down and kissing where they ran. "I hate watching you cry. I hate knowing I hurt you." His lips pushed into my forehead as I squeezed my eyes shut. "I hate what I did to you." He moved back, hands on either side of my jaw. "No one else's body belongs on my lips Avery. I don't ever want to have anyone else and If I can't have you I'll never have another person." 

"Dramatic." I sniffed he shook his head quickly. 

"Honest."